salutations

are hard.

seriously...to NOT screw up a salutation is amazing for me. if i can go a whole day with a perfect track record, i'm pretty impressed.

there's just so many.  a simple "hello!" can be responded to in so many ways. such as: "hi!" "hey!" "good morning!" "good afternoon!" "beautiful day!" "how are you?" and to each they deserve a different response.
here's what i say to guests (especially at greeter):
"namaste!" (although not very often--this is what we're "supposed" to say as a greeting in asia)
"welcome!"
"enjoy!"
"have fun!"
"how are you doing today?"
"a little wet?" (just got off the river rapids)
"happy birthday _________!" (happy birthday pin)
"happy anniversary!" (happy anniversary pin)
"happy first visit!" (1st visit pin)
"congratulations!" (just married or just engaged pin)

now that parts the easy part. its what people say back that makes it hard & you have to think on your feet. ( i really don't know why this is so difficult for me.) i have to concentrate hard.

then guests say things like:
"you too!"
"thank you!"
"just fine, how about you!?"
"how are you doing?"
"is it open?"
"where is the line?"
"what is this?"
"do we get on a truck?"
"how long is it?"
"where is the mountain?"
"namaste?"
"just a little!"
"no english!"

and i gotta respond correctly to all of that while making sure no one is taking uncovered food into the trek, answering questions, letting fat strollers into the wheelchair access, adding guests with the button, and giving my opinion on the shows in the park.

but i always slip up on the little things. when a guest surprises me with a non-conventional comment like : you have a beautiful smile! --i tend to say things like: welcome! or enjoy! instead of thank you, like i really meant to say. or if i am caught off guard the first time, i just say "hmm?" and actually really focus the next time they say it so i can respond accordingly.  my absolute favorite though is when i tell kids happy birthday and say their name, then they look so shocked that i know their name and that it's their birthday, then they remember they're wearing the pin, reach up to touch it, and when they're parents nudge them to say "thank you" they instead return my happy birthday with yet another, "happy birthday". cutest thing in the world!

this post doesn't even begin to cover the complexity that is speaking to a multitude of people one right after another (and the difficulty i have had with it), but really i wanted to end with this. a SMILE means so much more than a salutation anyway. no matter what you say, if it's said with a smile you can't go wrong. and boy i love smiling. even if i don't mean it half the time. and the other half i'm trying not to yawn. just kidding, thats only 3/4 of the time--the other 1/4 i really am smiling for serious.

public transport.

listen. i'm not one of those stuck up rich white girls. only perhaps a little bit. and i hate it. but, seriously.

public transportation is NOT for me.

its inconvenient, first of all---you have to be at the bus stop 15 minutes early so you don't miss the correct bus, assuming the bus will be on time (which it never is) and it gets you to work at least a half hour to an hour early because if you took the next bus it would be only ten minutes before you were supposed to clock in. and since the buses don't run on time and you're already 10 minutes away from the computer you can clock in at (which can be 5-7 if you hurry) they're going to make you late no matter what. since we don't get walk time. and i live in asia. the furthest from everything. (except rafikis.)

but thats not even the worst part. most of the time i'm fearing for my life. and i've tried to occupy myself with other things when the driver is driving like a maniac, but i generally death grip the pole i'm sitting next to or the seat in front of me and watch wide-eyed waiting for the fiery collision to occur. they all drive too fast, stop too slow, and take turns way too closely. it scares the living daylights out of me. how do these people become bus drivers? of children? and/or college students? it kills me. heart attack, twice a day. i'm sure its not good for my nervous system. positively unhealthy.

Dennis Nedry

i felt a bit like this yesterday.  not the whole dinosaur spitting in my face thing. well sort of. but dennis nedry, yes.
it all started on a beautiful, sunny, hot florida day.
i was doing a butterfly survey.  better known as surveying butterflies.  well we drove down the road of the conservation area of disney, parked, and walked back along the road for a mile identifying butterflies. i was sweating it was so hot. on november 21st. despite that, in the far distance there were dark clouds coming, and half way through the survey the wind started a-blowing, then when we were just about done the rain started. sooo we turned around started walking back to the truck, however, when we turned around we saw a sheet of rain the size of grapes coming at us. so we commenced running. running in hiking boots really isn't comfortable, nonetheless the 40-year old feisty raptor keeper made it to the truck and BACK to us before the rain got us (she's amazing). however, i was in the front seat of said truck.  the person in the front seat of said truck is called the gatekeeper.  as we got closer and closer to the gate christy kindly pointed out to me that i would be the one getting out of the truck to unlock, let the truck through, and lock the gate behind us. in the rain the size of grapes, i was soaked before i put the key in the lock. christy (the aforementioned 40-year old) proceeded to take pictures of me on her iphone as i was struggling with the lock and also as i got back into the truck sopping wet. it was cute. real cute. now, as we drove back to animal kingdom, the rain stopped. bright and sunny once more, florida played an evil and cruel trick on me. my coworkers believed christy's story rather than mine that i jumped in the moat to play with an alligator. all was well, however, when the most beautiful rainbow showed up--every letter of ROY G. BIV was visible and it extended across the sky like it would never end. i also ended up with a tour of the nutrition center and the wildlife tracking center, both of which were rare treats that made my day.

the next thing that made my day was bonding with my managers, then driving home in the car so generously loaned to me by the lovely katie, then going to (and bringing an investigator to) thanksgiving dinner by the ward. after that, a lesson with the investigator and the missionaries, then a lovely drive home for a beautiful end to the evening.

to end on a completely different note, i have an appreciation for missionaries that i really didn't see before now.  the mantle is a powerful thing, and having been around when they're working its hard not to see it. it is truly incredible.

intelligence.

intelligence and disney do not always coincide.
surprise?
i'm pretty sure it happens at the front gate. as soon as these people go through the turnstyles and have their fingerprint scanned, it happens. they lose any and all semblance of intelligence and/or logic and/or common sense.

deer is plural. it is also singular. there is no such thing as "deers." especially when referring to a very, very large bovine species.
not every bird with feathers is a peacock.
when a "baby" bird with a ten foot wingspan is flying 3 inches over your head while sitting, don't stand up.
don't try to grab the crane. why would you try to grab a bird flying over your head?
the person standing around in the neon pink blouse, strangely patterned skirt, and nametag really is a disney cast member. same as the next person in the exact same getup. i know, we blend. its our fault.
no matter how much you pretend you don't speak english, we know you do when you start to yell at us in it. fluently.
putting your small child standing up on top of the five foot fence enclosing the 1800 lb banteng really isn't the best idea.
yelling/meowing/whistling/"here kitty kitty"-ing at tigers isn't going to make them move, except perhaps in the other direction.
antelope are not baby deer.
leaving your sleeping child alone in a stroller outside while you ride the ride isn't good. in fact you should be jailed.
when i tell you i don't speak spanish, and you proceed to ask me your question is very fast spanish without any hand gestures or visual aides, i still don't speak spanish.
letting your 10 year old swear in front of you, your husband, and me, multiple times, is really not okay.
stripping your 7 year old female daughter of all-read, ALL- her clothing because they're wet from the ride you decided to take her on and letting her walk around naked isn't advisable.
disney would LOVE to let you hand-feed their fully grown tigers.
the tiger paw i'm holding isn't a bear paw. no matter how many times you tell me it is.
that loud noise you heard isn't an elephant, nor does it sound like one. its a bird.
i don't look cute in the aforementioned costume. don't creepily wink at me. drink your dag gone beer and move on.
when i told you female komodo dragons don't need males to reproduce, i wasn't implying your marriage should end. at all.

but for all the idiots, bad parents, and stupid people i've seen, heard, and spoken with, there are the gems that seem to make it all the way back to asia with their sense and wits.  one mother--i swear she was the highlight of my day--didn't allow her boy to climb on the fence at all, pointed out every animal and asked him questions about them, and this kid knew! he was probably only 10, but he knew my animals and knew all my questions to him about the antler i was holding. the mother correctly called my peafowl peahens, not peacocks (because they're female) and correctly identified horns vs antlers, deer vs antelope, and deer vs cow.
another 8 or 9 year old kid made my day by knowing all about my fruit bats. told me everything. could have had my job.
another kid was an expert on komodos. he even knew how they hunted, and how what makes them deadly isn't poison (as he corrected his mother) its bacteria.

these people make my day. also anyone who laughs at my tiger overlook jokes. also anyone who asks about the bar-headed geese. also anyone with some common sense. end of story.

Blog Abstinence

it's not you, it's me. 

so don't take it personally. 

here's the cliffnotes:

my sister is having another baby girl!! name? undecided. 

however, miss lily thinks it should be ariel. nickname anybody?

i work in the most magical place on earth.  ANIMAL KINGDOM.  where the bats are gay and the tigers are lazy. flights of wonder humor has taken over my life (not funny), and i'm pretty sure the komodo wants me for a snack. however, i have yet to be christened in the aviary, so am i just the unluckiest person in the world or what? the blackbuck bucks are turning black, so here comes the beginnings of some awkward conversations with children, not that i'm not used to it in the bat house anyway.  its a little easier with bats to write it off as "fighting" though, and most kids will accept that. its the adults who are the immature ones, believe it or not (but really, believe it). the number of grown men i see in there giggling, pointing, and drinking beer is really quite disturbing. the number of their girlfriends who tell them they wish they had one that looked like that is equally so.  they are usually drinking beer as well. but my favorite lady was really very interested in their "fighting" so i kindly pointed out that we only have male bats (which is pretty obvious). she looked at me, for a couple of seconds, then guffawed loudly and told me that it was worth her entire ticket to see our gay bats at it. another little old british lady walked up to me and said, in a very english manner, "so, how often to the bats make love? because those two are really going at it." my eyes widened a bit on that one, but i kept my composure enough to tell her that we have all male bats and really they're raping each other. in a nice way. i mean i said it in a nice way, there's really no way for the rape to be nice. what with all the screaming that takes place.  ...nope. not going to say it. 

and if THAT wasn't cliffnotes, i don't know what is!  my apologies for the awkwardness that is this post, however, such is my life. 

proximity

because no matter how cool the tiger is that is in the back of the exhibit, the peahens (incorrectly called peacocks) always get the most attention because they're almost touchable.