okay so i'm not falling. nor am i free. although lets clarify: i have freedom plenty, in this country. i want freedom from responsibility, school, and emotions. buuuttt...lets face it. thats never going to happen.
but that song, free falling?? terrible song. its this guy who left his girl because she was too good and he wanted to be a bad boy. what a jerk. but then we could say that about pretty much the entire population of the male gender... (i said PRETTY MUCH, not all, just for clarification...aka there are some like perfect daniel fletcher who exceed expectations..gahhh. ahhaha<3)
and yet, that song is addicting. and its soooo much fun to sing. and to listen to. and here i can draw another parallel--we've all heard it before, ladies. "can't live with'em, can't live without'em." those boys, they're just addicting!
so i dont know how this turned into a blog about guys and cliches we've all heard before, but lets stop that now.
here's a list of the things i'm thinking of:
i love chemistry! i hate chemistry.
murder mystery shows are daaaa BOMB (no pun intended)
eating should be done more often
(omitting most prevalent thing on my mind, for discretion...can't have all my secrets out on the internet!)
joannes
tutoring. some random girl. in chemistry. hope i can help. eek.
disneyland
cleaning
byu apps/essays
thats pretty much everything. oh joy!
napppptime. shhh. dont tell my mother. (i'm serious teri. or maybe, you could convince her it is really a good thing for me??? it'd be much appreciated. ;]])
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
tuesday
ditto monday.
wtefff?? ah well.
84% on bio test today.
cross fingers for chem tomorrow!
merrhh
peace
wtefff?? ah well.
84% on bio test today.
cross fingers for chem tomorrow!
merrhh
peace
Monday, October 27, 2008
brain fizzles
brain=fizzles.
fizzles=bubbles
bubbles=no more thought.
no more thought=too much studying
too much studying=good grades
good grades=good college
good college=freedom
dang. did i just spin that into a good thing?
aewelrjagsld
brain=fried.
fizzles=bubbles
bubbles=no more thought.
no more thought=too much studying
too much studying=good grades
good grades=good college
good college=freedom
dang. did i just spin that into a good thing?
aewelrjagsld
brain=fried.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
halloween memories
of these, i have none. unless they're terrible. like my dog (take your pick, i think all of them did it) eating my candy every year. the whole pillowcase full. and then the year my mom told me i wasnt allowed to trick or treat. and then the year that i was grounded and couldnt even go see my friends. and then the next year when i was grounded again and couldnt do a darn thing. although i did go next door with my backpack under the pretense of doing "homework"...and in this instance, homework had multiple meanings. but, these are my halloween memories. i have a few from wayyyy back, of a party with lauren <3 and we did all sorts of fun things and had a funky menu that we had to guess what we wanted...that was fun. and of swapping halloween candy with siblings after we got home. putting it neatly into piles and trading between all of us. (before the dogs got to it). until we got too old, then jenna and eric would just steal our candy. and now, i'm too old. i'm too old to dress up, to trick or treat, etc. i'm too young to stand at the door waiting for the little kids, or to take my own around the neighborhood. and i'm too mormon to go to all the teenager parties that will be going down. so what do i do? what merit does halloween hold for me? nothing? work? the primary party that i have to plan and put on? the dance that is lame? just like all other dances. except you cant even tell who the heck you're dancing with at this one. so, nothing. i do nothing. i could watch a scary movie, sitting next to a boy, using the movie as an excuse to cling. i could hang out with friends. do pretty much what i would normally do on a friday night...sit on my fat butt and watch a movie. ah well. we'll see.
but today, i hope, was the start of some good halloween memories. for the first time since i can remember, i carved a pumpkin. seriously. it was sooo muuch fun. and, again, for the first time i can remember, i went to a pumpkin patch. it was unbelievable! halloween can be positive! and i'm going to make delicious pumpkin seeds...which i vaguely remember. but all in all, today, and the halloween spirit, were pretty dang amazing. i can't ever remember liking halloween this much. and i didnt need candy to do it! how amazing.
well i think that ends this blog.
yay for halloween! (at least thats how i feel today. no promises for tomorrow)
becca out :)
but today, i hope, was the start of some good halloween memories. for the first time since i can remember, i carved a pumpkin. seriously. it was sooo muuch fun. and, again, for the first time i can remember, i went to a pumpkin patch. it was unbelievable! halloween can be positive! and i'm going to make delicious pumpkin seeds...which i vaguely remember. but all in all, today, and the halloween spirit, were pretty dang amazing. i can't ever remember liking halloween this much. and i didnt need candy to do it! how amazing.
well i think that ends this blog.
yay for halloween! (at least thats how i feel today. no promises for tomorrow)
becca out :)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
whats the story wishbone?
that show...is STILL GOOD. i heart wishbone! the people in it are sucky actors, but that dog? is amazing. i want a wishbone dog. and he had better learn to do a "WATCHAAAA!" for me, cuz he's getting the boot if he doesnt. and the song is so catchy!
other than wishbone, i can't remember much of the TV shows i watched when i was little. maybe scooby doo. but everything was too scary for me. oh i loved mr rogers too. i think thats about it. and the only movie i would watch was homeward bound, which, of course, will NEVER get old. that is like, the movie of all movies. minus a romance.
during my older years, the only show i would watch religiously was pokemon. and i still love that. apparently, i grab these things and hold them for dear life. i still love all of them. that could have psychological reasons behind it, but i would hate to think of them. that would totally ruin my day.
anyway. good news? BYU APPS ALMOST DONE! like seriously, almost done. i'm just getting my essays edited by a whole bunch of people, and then they're off! who would have thought i'd grown up so much? even i can hardly believe it. i never really noticed before. but, before a year is up, i'll be gone and off to college, either in idaho or utah. probably utah. but as my parents keep reminding me, i'm not good enough. okay so that was harsh. but thats the gist of it. i'm not bitter or anything though... are they trying to make me angry? thats all its doing. and giving me a "might as well give up now" attitude. its just NOT WORKING. all the jibes about cypress college? SO not working. if these are motivational tactics, i'm not seeing it. if they arent, WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY DOING?! gahhhhh. parents.
so anyway. rant over. but i think i'm gonna go take a nap now. i was up wayyyyy too late last night. thanks a lot jackie. 4 hours of sleep, just aint cutting it. nap time!
other than wishbone, i can't remember much of the TV shows i watched when i was little. maybe scooby doo. but everything was too scary for me. oh i loved mr rogers too. i think thats about it. and the only movie i would watch was homeward bound, which, of course, will NEVER get old. that is like, the movie of all movies. minus a romance.
during my older years, the only show i would watch religiously was pokemon. and i still love that. apparently, i grab these things and hold them for dear life. i still love all of them. that could have psychological reasons behind it, but i would hate to think of them. that would totally ruin my day.
anyway. good news? BYU APPS ALMOST DONE! like seriously, almost done. i'm just getting my essays edited by a whole bunch of people, and then they're off! who would have thought i'd grown up so much? even i can hardly believe it. i never really noticed before. but, before a year is up, i'll be gone and off to college, either in idaho or utah. probably utah. but as my parents keep reminding me, i'm not good enough. okay so that was harsh. but thats the gist of it. i'm not bitter or anything though... are they trying to make me angry? thats all its doing. and giving me a "might as well give up now" attitude. its just NOT WORKING. all the jibes about cypress college? SO not working. if these are motivational tactics, i'm not seeing it. if they arent, WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY DOING?! gahhhhh. parents.
so anyway. rant over. but i think i'm gonna go take a nap now. i was up wayyyyy too late last night. thanks a lot jackie. 4 hours of sleep, just aint cutting it. nap time!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
sour milk, sour mood
never before in my life have i tasted sour milk.
it is DISGUSTING.
and i had just opened the milk. its not like it had sat in our refridgerator forever and i wasnt being careful-- NO, i OPENED IT, then took a drink, then gagged and choked and spat (luckily i got to a sink first). milk never goes bad in our family..we go through two gallons a week, STILL, minus two children. so i've never had that pleasure before today.
but i guess it goes along with my mood. my mood of sour everything. who thought college applications were a good idea? (so what if they are? let me have my moment!) and school. the source of all evil. forget about money-thats like fairy dust comparatively. evil things like tests and homework and brainpower. why can't we all turn to mush? i dont see a problem with that. (like i said, let me have my moment) mushy me. sounds good. lets go with that, kay? no more school, no more applications, no more stupid people, no more headaches....that would make life somewhat wonderful, dont we think?
yes.
yes it would.
it is DISGUSTING.
and i had just opened the milk. its not like it had sat in our refridgerator forever and i wasnt being careful-- NO, i OPENED IT, then took a drink, then gagged and choked and spat (luckily i got to a sink first). milk never goes bad in our family..we go through two gallons a week, STILL, minus two children. so i've never had that pleasure before today.
but i guess it goes along with my mood. my mood of sour everything. who thought college applications were a good idea? (so what if they are? let me have my moment!) and school. the source of all evil. forget about money-thats like fairy dust comparatively. evil things like tests and homework and brainpower. why can't we all turn to mush? i dont see a problem with that. (like i said, let me have my moment) mushy me. sounds good. lets go with that, kay? no more school, no more applications, no more stupid people, no more headaches....that would make life somewhat wonderful, dont we think?
yes.
yes it would.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
a new day
is today. day two of my blog. my how time flies.
tuesdays are really bad days. who thought of putting mutual on top of that? the first day after the FIRST day of the week with really no hope for the end. friday seems so far away, with wayyyy too much work to be done in between. so between being overloaded with homework, going to mutual, and no end in sight, who can help but be depressed? its just not a happy day. but then i feel sorry for tuesdays. because who likes them? its like the kid in your english class that just has everything wrong--the ratty clothing, the greasy hair, the pimply face, the too-shy-to-look-at-you demeanor. poor tuesday. and its obviously nobody's favorite day of the week. theres just no way for it to be. no upside, no silver lining. unless, by some lucky chance, tuesday gets to be your birthday day or the day of your first kiss. or the day of your wedding, or the day of your child's birth. and later, those turn out just to be dates and numbers, hardly even remembering the fact that it was tuesday that helped you push that baby out of your body. but really, thats nothing to do with the merit of tuesday itself. it is really just the luck of the draw there. there are seven other days of the week in which those things could happen...so normally, tuesday is just the sad, lonely, depressed day that everyone has to live through to get on with life.
and so it is today.
my tuesday adgenda:
4:09 am. alarm goes off.
4:19 am. alarm goes off.
4:29 am. alarm goes off.
4:39 am. alarm goes off.
4:49 am. alarm goes off.
4:55 am. roll out of bed.
4:55 am. (and here the time changes, back ten minutes, because i set my room clock ahead ten.) stumble into the bathroom.
4:56 am. pick at face.
4:57 am. decide i dont need a shower(actually just too lazy).
4:58 am. pick at face.
5:05 am. scrub face.
5:11 am. makeup.
5:25 am. jeans, sports bra, t-shirt, sweatshirt, sandals.
5:29 am. make eggs.
5:35 am. brush teeth.
5:40 am. pack backpack.
5:41 am. out the door. pick song on itouch while walking. dont drop it.
5:49 am. walk in church door, lead song in seminary(because i'm chorister like that)
6:40 am. get outta seminary. drive to school
6:50 am. run to class.cuz dumb karns starts earlier than zero period does.take test.
7:53 am. get out of zero, walk with jeff to first.
8:11 am. fall asleep in first period.
8:51 am. jeff walks me to chemistry.
8:58 am. laugh all throughout chemistry with hollysmith.
10:02 am. sit in stupid markles class with stupid jewboy behind me
11:20 am. make fun of devon and listen to murders and suicides in forensics.
12:11 pm. schools out! go to parking lot with jeff.
12:30 pm. come home. check on mom and her broken foot. makes flowers from jenna pretty. try and keep mom sitting down for more than 5 minutes. internet. blog. homework. etc.
7:00 pm. primary halloween party put on by youth. (UGH) face painting.
9:00 pm. (hopefully) bed.
tuesdays. poor poor tuesdays.
"sunday's on the phone to monday. tuesday's on the phone to me."
---the beatles, she came in through the bathroom window.
tuesdays are really bad days. who thought of putting mutual on top of that? the first day after the FIRST day of the week with really no hope for the end. friday seems so far away, with wayyyy too much work to be done in between. so between being overloaded with homework, going to mutual, and no end in sight, who can help but be depressed? its just not a happy day. but then i feel sorry for tuesdays. because who likes them? its like the kid in your english class that just has everything wrong--the ratty clothing, the greasy hair, the pimply face, the too-shy-to-look-at-you demeanor. poor tuesday. and its obviously nobody's favorite day of the week. theres just no way for it to be. no upside, no silver lining. unless, by some lucky chance, tuesday gets to be your birthday day or the day of your first kiss. or the day of your wedding, or the day of your child's birth. and later, those turn out just to be dates and numbers, hardly even remembering the fact that it was tuesday that helped you push that baby out of your body. but really, thats nothing to do with the merit of tuesday itself. it is really just the luck of the draw there. there are seven other days of the week in which those things could happen...so normally, tuesday is just the sad, lonely, depressed day that everyone has to live through to get on with life.
and so it is today.
my tuesday adgenda:
4:09 am. alarm goes off.
4:19 am. alarm goes off.
4:29 am. alarm goes off.
4:39 am. alarm goes off.
4:49 am. alarm goes off.
4:55 am. roll out of bed.
4:55 am. (and here the time changes, back ten minutes, because i set my room clock ahead ten.) stumble into the bathroom.
4:56 am. pick at face.
4:57 am. decide i dont need a shower(actually just too lazy).
4:58 am. pick at face.
5:05 am. scrub face.
5:11 am. makeup.
5:25 am. jeans, sports bra, t-shirt, sweatshirt, sandals.
5:29 am. make eggs.
5:35 am. brush teeth.
5:40 am. pack backpack.
5:41 am. out the door. pick song on itouch while walking. dont drop it.
5:49 am. walk in church door, lead song in seminary(because i'm chorister like that)
6:40 am. get outta seminary. drive to school
6:50 am. run to class.cuz dumb karns starts earlier than zero period does.take test.
7:53 am. get out of zero, walk with jeff to first.
8:11 am. fall asleep in first period.
8:51 am. jeff walks me to chemistry.
8:58 am. laugh all throughout chemistry with hollysmith.
10:02 am. sit in stupid markles class with stupid jewboy behind me
11:20 am. make fun of devon and listen to murders and suicides in forensics.
12:11 pm. schools out! go to parking lot with jeff.
12:30 pm. come home. check on mom and her broken foot. makes flowers from jenna pretty. try and keep mom sitting down for more than 5 minutes. internet. blog. homework. etc.
7:00 pm. primary halloween party put on by youth. (UGH) face painting.
9:00 pm. (hopefully) bed.
tuesdays. poor poor tuesdays.
"sunday's on the phone to monday. tuesday's on the phone to me."
---the beatles, she came in through the bathroom window.
Monday, October 20, 2008
i just realized
that cycles never end. here i am, awake at 1130 at night, doing homework, and still not being finished, when i spent from 1230-400 doing pretty much nothing. i slept. i ate. i facebooked. i texted. i talked on the phone. when does procrastination end? i am so dog tired right now. i see why i spent a lot of my afternoon sleeping. (plus my mother's bed is like a sleep inducing vortex. you touch that thing and theres no going back. you're officially on the dark side.) i swore to myself i was going to be better. i swore to myself that this year i would change. but all that thinking and hard work? did abso-freaking-lutely nothing. i wonder--is it that i dont want my cycles to end? i'm definitely not happy doing it this way. but would i be happier the other way? sleep is always good. and obeying parents brings a lot of peaceful days. arguing does take a lot. (dont tell them i said that) but i dont know that i have the strength to break free from the habits that i've always had...and from the looks of it, always will have. huh.
speaking of habits. i can see this is going to be a bad one. but, what can be done?
speaking of habits. i can see this is going to be a bad one. but, what can be done?
A little about me.
i love to laugh.
i love to learn.
i burp.
i love the ninja turtles.
i'm a white girl through and through. none of this inside out oreo nonsense. i'm pretty daaaang white.
i'm mormon. and i love it.
i hate to capitalize. so if that's bothering you, get over it.
thats my favorite phrase. "get over it"
i'm a hopeless romantic. and i think its pathetic at the same time.
i love my iTouch. dont know what i did without it.
i'm pretty good at everything i do. not super good, but just good enough.
i've definitely had my rough patches.
i love the sound of the ukelele.
i meditate. (seriously)
i love all animals. unless they piss me off.
i'm quick to temper, and like to hold grudges
my trust is not easily given
i should be doing my homework right now.
procrastination is my friend. and enemy.
i can't wait to get out of this town, county, state.
i dont believe in english classes. i speak the language, i know the language, let me test out of it or something!
i hate math
i LOVE SCIENCE. my one true love is chemistry, at the moment.
i'm a picky eater. in fact, i dont really like anything..some things i crave, but thats about it.
i'm always tired. symptom of my anemia.
meat kind of disgusts me. i wish i was a vegetarian, but then my doctor would yell at me...like she already did.
ive never broken anything, never gone to the hospital, never been terribly sick, never afraid i was going to die
i've never had anyone die in my family either
i really like african tribal music
i use limewire (so sue me)
i work at a veterinarian hospital
i hope to work at joannes (that discount would be wonderful)
i love my two black labs--including the one who eats poop then licks my hand. and then eats my text books and makes me pay for them. and eats socks then makes me clean up his puke. oh wrangler.
i get stressed very easily, and when i do, its best to steer clear, or make me laugh
i want to be able to run without stopping for at least three miles (i'm a fatty-can't even manage one)
the real part that bothers me about running is the breathing
i HATE the stupid spam messages that ask me if i want to enlarge my .. male genitalia
i tend to let things go than stick with them until the end
and now i'm sick of writing about myself.
and really have to do homework.
becca out!
i love to learn.
i burp.
i love the ninja turtles.
i'm a white girl through and through. none of this inside out oreo nonsense. i'm pretty daaaang white.
i'm mormon. and i love it.
i hate to capitalize. so if that's bothering you, get over it.
thats my favorite phrase. "get over it"
i'm a hopeless romantic. and i think its pathetic at the same time.
i love my iTouch. dont know what i did without it.
i'm pretty good at everything i do. not super good, but just good enough.
i've definitely had my rough patches.
i love the sound of the ukelele.
i meditate. (seriously)
i love all animals. unless they piss me off.
i'm quick to temper, and like to hold grudges
my trust is not easily given
i should be doing my homework right now.
procrastination is my friend. and enemy.
i can't wait to get out of this town, county, state.
i dont believe in english classes. i speak the language, i know the language, let me test out of it or something!
i hate math
i LOVE SCIENCE. my one true love is chemistry, at the moment.
i'm a picky eater. in fact, i dont really like anything..some things i crave, but thats about it.
i'm always tired. symptom of my anemia.
meat kind of disgusts me. i wish i was a vegetarian, but then my doctor would yell at me...like she already did.
ive never broken anything, never gone to the hospital, never been terribly sick, never afraid i was going to die
i've never had anyone die in my family either
i really like african tribal music
i use limewire (so sue me)
i work at a veterinarian hospital
i hope to work at joannes (that discount would be wonderful)
i love my two black labs--including the one who eats poop then licks my hand. and then eats my text books and makes me pay for them. and eats socks then makes me clean up his puke. oh wrangler.
i get stressed very easily, and when i do, its best to steer clear, or make me laugh
i want to be able to run without stopping for at least three miles (i'm a fatty-can't even manage one)
the real part that bothers me about running is the breathing
i HATE the stupid spam messages that ask me if i want to enlarge my .. male genitalia
i tend to let things go than stick with them until the end
and now i'm sick of writing about myself.
and really have to do homework.
becca out!
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