Personal Mantra

I learned it at Disney, and I have tried to live by it, although somewhat failing these last few weeks, but that's another story altogether.

But here it is.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." -We Bought a Zoo

That's also probably a favorite movie. Which I have plenty of, but really that has got to be a favorite. It's beyond amazing.
So, that quote, coupled with another gem from another movie :

"Every woman has the exact love life she wants."-Wedding Date

Means I go out on a limb, get uncomfortable, and stretch my comfort zone. It worked....at the beginning of the semester. I'll pick it back up come spring, pinky promise.

Pocahantas

I love this movie. And I used to strongly identify with Pocahantas, how she didn't want to get married because there was some new adventure out there just around the river bend, waiting for her. I've always felt that way. Torn between what I've been taught since childhood and my big dreams for myself.

I'm watching Pocahantas right now. And while I was singing "Just Around the River Bend" with her, I can't say that I agree with her anymore. 

"I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?
For a handsome sturdy husband
Who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming?
Just around the riverbend"

Well here's the thing. Marriage in itself is an adventure, that twists and turns just as much as her own single adventure would. And there's nothing wrong with handsome sturdy walls. But that's my own personal opinion, since I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm a homebody, and absolutely LOVE staying home.

Maybe it's just the brainwashing of Provo.

But for all that I now don't agree with her in that respect, I still wholeheartedly agree with this song.

Oh the things we can learn about ourselves from Disney. 

I was told to save this for future generations...

Thursday night was the Pre-Vet club. I'm the experience coordinator, publicity officer, and webmaster of the prevet club--rolled all into one we like to call it the Starship Commander.

So we had a fabulous meeting, wherein we learned all the stress and insanity that it is to apply to vet school. Mike and I downed the Dr. Pepper like it was a nice hard liquor. That was fun.

Afterwards, the president and vice president had what they called one-on-ones with their officers. I went first. It was actually kinda fun--an interview type setting, but questions about the club and what you would do in situation A or B...etc. During the interview they told me to write down one piece of information for all posterity to enjoy.

And here it is:
Dr. Roeder expressed her appreciation for me putting up fliers for the Pre-Vet club. 


First of all, Dr. Roeder is an intimidating, 5 foot woman, with a DVM being only her first higher education degree (of many), and she has a love for dairy cows. She's the Pre-Vet advisor. She's the club's advisor. She doesn't really like the club...at all. She withholds praise in general, and doesn't particularly enjoy thanking people. So Nalani and Jesse (Pres&Vice) stressed that she never, ever says anything nice about the club, and that I needed to write this down for progeny. Because its huge.

Here's how it happened. I force myself to say hi to her (its a little scary) and I was going around with my clipboard full of fliers when I ran into her. Briefly. So I said hello, and she said hi, then I said I'm just having a grand time putting up these fliers for the Pre-Vet club, and she says : "I really appreciate that. (insert awkward  guffaws and perhaps a "No, I like it!") No really, I appreciate your efforts for the club. It's not easy." Some thank-yous ensued and it was fortunately cut short because of our travel directions, but there you have it. Ladies and gents, praise from Dr. Roeder.

Then I told Jesse & Nalani I'd blog about it. Done.

Mixing Worlds

I have this thing about my worlds. I like them separate, I've realized.
I'm working on it, I promise.

But for now its still weird when the lady I volunteer for in Mapleton comes to my university ornithology lecture and shows the birds. The entire thing was weird, and I was apprehensive almost all day--why? I'm not sure.  The smells were out of place, the sights, her wacky stories, the place I was sitting in the room, the undue attention on me--it was all off. Which is ridiculous. I'm crazy. But it just is.

This goes for a lot of my other worlds. My home, high school friends, mixing with my new college friends--weird. My family meeting my college roommates/friends--strange. My ward friends meeting the professors I work with--super weird. My neighbor friends and my church friends together--awkward. Disney people mixing with BYU people--risky. People coming over to my house (when I was in CA)--uncomfortable. Inviting nonmembers to church--scary.


I don't even want to think about the hardest meshing of worlds to yet come---introducing a boyfriend/fiancee to my family & friends. Talk about TERRIFYING.

And here's the thing. I don't really know why. Why do these things make me uncomfortable? Anna of course wouldn't be uncomfortable, for she doesn't believe in awkwardness, but believe you me...it's all quite awkward.

Which is crazy. I know. I'll get over it. Maybe.

Silence.

So I know I probably owe y'all an explanation for my blogging hiatus.

Who am I kidding? No I don't!

I'm in my apartment right now, alone, on a Saturday night. It hasn't happened like this in awhile. Whereas it used to happen all the time. I'm not sure what is different, exactly, except I suppose I became more social. More personable. I blame Disney.
But I'm reveling in the silence. No music, no people, no sounds (except for when a noisy scooter drives by like just now.) I won't lie, I am at peace, and happy even. At peace with the fact that I should be doing better in my classes, but I'm not. At peace with the choices I've been making, and the ways I'm trying to better myself. At peace with what may come, or what may not. I revel in the small chances I get to sit in silence and think, without any distractions or outside opinions (not that they're unwelcome, by any means).
Here's a snapshot of my thoughts:
Priorities-They're important. Unfortunately, to my parents probable disdain, school has dropped from the top of my priorities and has been replaced with family. Lets talk eternal significance. I don't need school. I do however, need my family. I know you still take your learning with you, but I don't want to regret that I wasn't more social in college because I was studying/stressed/bitter. I'm taking chances, creating relationships, and being happy.  My grades are suffering a bit for it, but I don't quite ...care. This family priority means my already eternal family. I miss them like crazy. I know, we talk all the time. We video chat. But its not the same. I want to be home, and hug my little brother, kiss my niece, gossip with my sister, get advice from my mother, argue with my older brother, be tortured by my father, love my dogs...I suppose some people would call that homesickness. But its not debilitating, by any means, just a longing for home. Family as a priority also means working on finding an eternal companion and doing all I can to make that happen. Dating is hard, but I might be getting somewhere. Learning, always learning. In this world called Provo, away from home & family, dating has become the center of my attention and time. I hate to say it, but its true. I've caught the bug. Marriage is a scary word, but I can't think of a single thing that would make me happier.
Making a difference. I have recently attended the 22nd Annual Hunger Banquet at BYU (with a date, might I add) and I may or may not have shed tears the entire time. I just kept thinking to myself, if I could just make a difference in one of those children's lives...the thought doesn't really have a "then" component. I just want to make them smile, make them happy. See them laugh again, and be healthy. My life would be a fulfilling one if only I could do something to help. As for now, its slightly frustrating, being helpless and powerless to do much of anything.
Friends. I've got 'em. I'm the luckiest girl in the world with the friends that I have, even when I don't pay as much attention to them as I should. I'm sure I'm a terrible friend in return, but I love them all dearly. One night, I prayed for everyone that I loved, and it took a solid 15 minutes. And with a shoddy memory like mine, its more than likely I missed a few. There's never been a time in my life when I've felt more loved than I do now. I couldn't be more grateful.
My wonderful roommates are home now, so I will conclude the ramblings of my head. Love you all.