Silence.

So I know I probably owe y'all an explanation for my blogging hiatus.

Who am I kidding? No I don't!

I'm in my apartment right now, alone, on a Saturday night. It hasn't happened like this in awhile. Whereas it used to happen all the time. I'm not sure what is different, exactly, except I suppose I became more social. More personable. I blame Disney.
But I'm reveling in the silence. No music, no people, no sounds (except for when a noisy scooter drives by like just now.) I won't lie, I am at peace, and happy even. At peace with the fact that I should be doing better in my classes, but I'm not. At peace with the choices I've been making, and the ways I'm trying to better myself. At peace with what may come, or what may not. I revel in the small chances I get to sit in silence and think, without any distractions or outside opinions (not that they're unwelcome, by any means).
Here's a snapshot of my thoughts:
Priorities-They're important. Unfortunately, to my parents probable disdain, school has dropped from the top of my priorities and has been replaced with family. Lets talk eternal significance. I don't need school. I do however, need my family. I know you still take your learning with you, but I don't want to regret that I wasn't more social in college because I was studying/stressed/bitter. I'm taking chances, creating relationships, and being happy.  My grades are suffering a bit for it, but I don't quite ...care. This family priority means my already eternal family. I miss them like crazy. I know, we talk all the time. We video chat. But its not the same. I want to be home, and hug my little brother, kiss my niece, gossip with my sister, get advice from my mother, argue with my older brother, be tortured by my father, love my dogs...I suppose some people would call that homesickness. But its not debilitating, by any means, just a longing for home. Family as a priority also means working on finding an eternal companion and doing all I can to make that happen. Dating is hard, but I might be getting somewhere. Learning, always learning. In this world called Provo, away from home & family, dating has become the center of my attention and time. I hate to say it, but its true. I've caught the bug. Marriage is a scary word, but I can't think of a single thing that would make me happier.
Making a difference. I have recently attended the 22nd Annual Hunger Banquet at BYU (with a date, might I add) and I may or may not have shed tears the entire time. I just kept thinking to myself, if I could just make a difference in one of those children's lives...the thought doesn't really have a "then" component. I just want to make them smile, make them happy. See them laugh again, and be healthy. My life would be a fulfilling one if only I could do something to help. As for now, its slightly frustrating, being helpless and powerless to do much of anything.
Friends. I've got 'em. I'm the luckiest girl in the world with the friends that I have, even when I don't pay as much attention to them as I should. I'm sure I'm a terrible friend in return, but I love them all dearly. One night, I prayed for everyone that I loved, and it took a solid 15 minutes. And with a shoddy memory like mine, its more than likely I missed a few. There's never been a time in my life when I've felt more loved than I do now. I couldn't be more grateful.
My wonderful roommates are home now, so I will conclude the ramblings of my head. Love you all.