I. WENT. SKYDIVING.  

i was waiting to post this until i had put up my video to youtube so i could show you, but i'm too dumb for that.  i do have a pretty cool video though...just saying.

but lets start from the beginning. we signed our lives away...literally. if something happened we couldn't even sue for 21 years after our death! then we picked the music for our videos, met our dive instructors, geared up (my instructor (JC) was tightening something in back of me, and says to the other "Hey, did they fix this?" The other says, "Oh yeah, looks like they used duct tape to tape it up. That'll be fine."  then walks away....), and got on the plane.  the plane.  there were no seats but the pilot's, we sat on the floor in the laps of our instructors, (only the four of us, my aunt, me, and the instructors fit) and we took off with the door open.  and we probably went at least 1000 ft with it open. and then when it was closed there might as well have not been a door, since it was a plastic sheet thingy..all it did was shield us from the wind.  i was closest to the door. i literally had a birds eye view of everything going on around me--it was amazing!  as we gained altitude it got colder and colder, and by the height of 11,000 feet i was shivering-which was mistaken for nerves-but it was soo cold.  and then he says to put on my goggles and sit up in his lap, he hooks me in, then slides open the door, and says to swing my legs over the side.  sure, easy enough. until he slides me out off the edge, but we don't fall,  because you see---HE is still sitting on the edge, while i'm hooked to him and not moving but just dangling off the plane with nothing to hold onto. then he asks if i'm ready--what if i'm not?--but i am, and we fall.  i think my dad did the math, and if i remember correctly, i believe he said we were traveling at 160 mph during the free fall.  which was 40 seconds.  i guess i was screaming (not in fear, as my dad likes to insinuate) but i was having so much fun.  my poor instructor. my father says he could hear me from the ground.  also, i'm pretty sure i was senseless as to most of what was going on around me, since he said he would tap me on the arm when i was supposed to open my arms, but after tapping me twice he just ripped them off the harness himself. then the parachute opens, and well that kinda hurts around the crotch area when you are stopped midair by the harness that is around both your thighs. the chest strap also was choking me on the way down, but no biggie. it didn't really matter--it was just incredible.  he let me drive the parachute too, and that was awesome. i drove it through a cloud. then landing was fun--i just kinda slid while my instructor kind of tripped over me..not sure what i was really supposed to do but that was good enough. i was on the ground anyway.

long story short..IT WAS AWESOME!

i guess life is funny sometimes.

last summer i started digitizing my parent's home videos, since they're on VHS and, well, of course thats out of style.  right now i'm watching my sister singing in a high school choir concert...i have to say, it sounds rather awful.  she looks very pretty though. (hopefully that will appease her for saying that it sounds bad.)  even though her t-shirt is tucked into her jeans. but its the end of the year 2000--i might give her a break for that one.  soon this tape will turn into our cancun trip, and thats what i want to see at the moment.  oh now she has a solo--which of course doesn't sound bad, since we have such a similar voice they wouldn't let us audition together for music man. whats funny is that the last tape (or was it two tapes ago?) i watched her duck dance when she was probably 5 or 6 and she wiggled her butt at the camera quite a bit.  always performing. :)

whats surreal is watching people who are dead now. my aunt leson died of breast cancer not too long ago.  technically she's not my aunt, she's my cousin once removed. (my dad's cousin.) but when i was little we spent a lot of time with her and uncle ken and their kids, alyse, james, austin, and emma.  but then we didn't.  being young i didn't really understand.  i still don't really understand.  they got divorced, moved away, she left the church, and we didn't see them for a long time.  then aunt leson was diagnosed with cancer.  i saw her once when she stayed with my grandparents. then she died, and the funeral was held in colorado.  i had school; in my family, that means i didn't go.  my dad went. they were close.  already tonight he's mentioned twice how strange it is to see her so full of life as she was back when the videos were taken. he says its hard to reconcile with the image of her at her funeral.

i guess life is funny sometimes.  

the best way to see the time change is in the dogs.  when jenna was little (25 [or so] years ago) we got barkley.  the only way i remember him is in his old age when he could hardly stand up on his own, but today i saw him as a young dog running around while jenna rode her bicycle with training wheels (and crashed) and little eric had flaming red hair and a new scar next to his eye.  i'm looking at my old old black lab ephraim right now--he's got gray hairs under his chin and between the pads of his feet and his breath smells like old man, but today i saw him as 10-11 week old puppy on my 8th birthday in 1999. 

it seems to me getting old, grown up, & responsible is too much of a hassle. where did i sign up for this again?

ps. why do choirs always sing pieces that are too high for the sopranos in them?

something hit me in the head while i was

walking home from my last class of the winter 2011 semester.


some fly thing must have been the culprit.

but the point i wanted to get across was that the semester is OVER!
almost.

spring beauty

i don't think i noticed this last time around, but spring is beautiful!  i'm not sure i can say that its worth the snow, but it is definitely a nice treat after being so harshly dealt with during the winter.
yesterday i stepped out of the wibby after handling my froggies, and there had just been a nice little rainfall, so it smelled wonderfully of wet asphalt--the clouds were only a bit in front of the sun and you could see the silver lining in all of them. there was a slight breeze, the kind that tugs at you playfully, and the temperature was probably 65 degrees, perfect.  as i was walking home i noticed the green sprouting everywhere, little buds on all the trees that have been barren for so long, the mountain is turning greener, and the daffodils along the path home are annoyingly beautiful.  i wanted to skip and sing-in fact i did do just that.


so how does it seem fair that finals is next week?

throwback

can we just for a sec mention how cute i was as a child? and how much my niece looks like me?

(i'm in the middle, holding the cat...Jenna just saw the camera and had to come running.)

This is my Lilster....do we not look alike??

oh we totally do. 

Eric loved me enough to hug me when we were little! 

Jenna, posing...me, falling...eric.........

In Aunt Cami's tea party clothes i wouldn't put on for her..

wrestling with helsa...usually it was my hair or hair tie in her mouth i was wrestling away from her

itsy bitsy spider in rain boots!

Morgen!  basically my whole childhood.

a wonderful week

me: yeah, here pick whatever song you want for your ringtone.

sean kingston, beautiful girls: "you're way to beauuutiful giiirl, that's why it'll never work, you'll have me suicidal, suicidal, when you say its overrr."

maren:  i don't want to make you suicidal!

me: when you say its over!?!

maren: oh no, it will never be over. 

truer words were never heard. 

my feelings will not be repressed. you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you.

sidewalk chalk brainwash

so in provo, they write on the sidewalks. as advertisement. i don't know if they do it in other places too, but its all the time here.  right now the sidewalk is dominated for at least half of my walk to school by an advertisement for women's chorus.

at first i am super annoyed that they're there.  i HAVE to read them, i HAVE to know what they say--its rather impossible not to.  and its not like i really want to go to the women's chorus, i'm not a fan of just women singing to music, especially choral-type music. you know, with the organ and the high voices--after awhile its like cats in a blender. (i stole that from my mom, who used it to describe over-frequent phantom of the opera viewings). in any case--i don't want to go, and i'm sure of it.  but as i'm walking to school over this sidewalk chalk everyday, possibly more than four times, it starts to grow on me.

this morning i found myself thinking, "you know, maybe i should be heading to the ticket office like its telling me to.   i should be going to this concert. its on april fool's day, but its not a joke. are you ready for this? i'm ready for this. i should be going to women's chorus 50th concert.  i'm sure they're doing something special. i'm sure they're doing something great. i should head to the ticket office?"

until i realized they were brainwashing me. with sidewalk chalk.  who knew what powerful stuff it was?

lost

lauren, lovely lauren came down to utah for, well, less than 24 hours.  it was blissful.  saturday i went to pick her up in salt lake while her boyfriend or something went and saw a concert or whatever. but i had my lauren.

then we went to the follet's house--her grandparents, the former owners of the house my parents now reside in.  who live in cedar hills. it was simple getting there. but then i was invited to stay the night with her & them, and accepted. but i had to go drop some stuff off in provo and pick up some sleepy stuff. so, lauren and i drove from cedar hills to provo. simple. took about 30 minutes, because we went the long way, but it got us there. 

coming back, we had looked up a map and needed to get off at exit 276. quite awhile before that, fabulous, wonderful I-15 construction diverted us off of the freeway entirely, and we had to follow signs for this detour.  we got back on the freeway, and, of course, the next exit was 278. we decided to take it anyway. and then proceeded to get hopelessly lost, ending up in a school parking lot (without turning into one) with the mascot of the caveman (something to aspire to, people), and laughing hysterically. it was perfect, just like old times, except that we were still lost. and it was dark. and raining. 

somehow, we found our way to the Mt. Timpanogos temple.  that was good--we were close.  and we knew as long as we kept the temple in our sights, we would find our way.   that was one thing we were sure of.  an innate sense, if you will.  the deeper meaning wasn't lost on me at the time, but i didn't have much time for reflection through the laughing and yelling and general confusion.  but isn't that something?

i love my major.

Katie and I excited for bear denning!!

We went a little too far...into Colorado

Katie with a bear collar on

Riding in the back of the pickup, since the van couldn't make the muddy/bumpy roads

Yeah, thats me with a black bear cub. ~3 mos.

A mama black bear, tranquilized.

Day old kid (Nubien)

Goats are just like big dogs. Always wanting attention.

Horizontal rectangular pupils

I drew blood too! (this isn't me) 

Cool, right? 200 goats later...still cool.  

Gotta love goats.

Ladies and Gents

Its for certain!  I'm going live at DisneyWorld for four months!!

i got my invitation, and i accepted said invitation. 

i will be working attractions, from august to the beginning of january.  i won't get to come home for christmas (downside) but i won't have to be in provo! 

its a pretty awesome program. if you want to learn more, you can go to WDW College Program Website For Family  and find out for yourself.  

soooo, who wants to go to DisneyWorld between August and January??

L.O.V.E--an ode to Port-a-Potties

L is for the way you lure me in 

O is for the odor you emit

V is very very...involuntary 

E is eating well then having to endure the smell

and LOVE is more than i can give to you

Love has got nothing to do with poo

Too much poo is stankin'

There's no way that we can make it. 

Love is not for me and you

This song needed to be immortalized.  I love you Maren. 

(although i think the 2nd and 3rd to last lines are probably wrong)

Orange County Redneck

i'm turning redneck.

the redneck from socal. perhaps first because of this...

and the maniacal laughter that accompanied every shot.

and then there's this:

Driving my Professor's Tractor

Alpaca

Lamb

yeah. i think i might be a bit of a redneck. 

this trip was amazing though.  we boiled snow for water since we didn't have any in the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers-esque cabins.

Boiling Snow (i look so cute!)

The final result

i shared a twin bed with this girl. <3 Mikyn.

our lovely seven brides cabins. what you see is what we got.

the cabins were heated with good old fashion wood stoves.  it was a lovely trip.  the wildlife and range club is good to me.

Frogs

everybody thinks i'm crazy.  which, i can't deny, is true.

but i work with frogs (xenopus laevis).  they're cute.  and i know them by name. their names are 22, 23, 24, 26, and 27. they have personalities.  24 is probably my favorite. she's a splasher.  22, 23, and 24 are all much bigger than 26 & 27 for some reason.  they all have different patterns of dark/light spots, but they're all very pretty.  their common name is african clawed frogs, and they really do have claws on their back feet. sort of.

every S, M, T, W i take care of these frogs.  tuesdays are feeding days--usually its so cute, the frogs will use their front limbs to take the food right out of my hand.  they sweep their arms forward and grab the food, then shove it in their mouths.   cute right?  right. on thursdays we do surgeries, rotating frogs every week.  we extract the oocytes.  and those are used for experiments designed to find a cure for the flu and alzheimers. so its pretty great. each frog undergoes only 6 surgeries before they are humanely euthanized.  two weeks ago we lost our first since i've been there-- RIP 21. <3

Peaches

i don't know if anyone quite realizes how difficult it is to drive a stick shift after riding a horse.

its hard.

for half an hour, every saturday at 9:30am, peaches makes me work up a sweat. but i'm finally getting the hang of it-- i think.

she's also a scaredy cat.  there was a patch of sunshine coming in through one of the windows, and when we got to it, she saw it and jumped back, then pranced around it. she's also afraid of the two doors, and makes sure to give them a wide berth..in case they open and somebody scary comes out.

but she's also very responsive. every move of the reins, cluck, nudge, she listens. whether she does what i want or not depends on whether she thinks i'm in charge or not (which i am) so she actually does listen pretty well. of course i can't take credit for it--she's been trained by some of the best in the barn. but it really takes a special horse to do it right.  i'm more and more comfortable with her everytime i go. we're starting to really work well together.  i remember to keep my heels down and out, keep my hands on the pad, back straight, elbows in--while making sure she is going where she's supposed to, and how fast she's supposed to.  its really not easy.

and when i dismount, i think of all the cowboys i've ever seen in movies or whatnot--and i totally understand why they walk like that.  my legs feel like they must perpetually be shaped like there is a horse between them. my thighs feel like limp noodles, and my feet are turned in. i'm not sure i can push the clutch in enough to get the car started, let alone drive home. but somehow i manage. and now i'm at home, sitting on the couch, and when i try to stand up it will be painful. but usually i forget and stand up fast and thats even worse, but my roommates at least get a kick out of it.

yup.

i'm actually posting a blog. be amazed!

its probably been about a month or so. but here's what i have to show for that month.

-Christmas. Christmas was wonderful. i love my wonderful family. really, i do. aunt cami and eric and i will be going skydiving together this summer as a result.  we went as a family to see Peter Pan in the 360 theater...and it was INCREDIBLE. (that was a direct result of me saying we should DO something together for Christmas instead of just give gifts and leave.) it really was fantastic. i became surrogate momma to lily because jenna wanted a break...and i pretty much loved it. she gives me kisses and plays games and dares you to tell her not to do something just so she can do it. every mother's DREAM. :)  i went to disneyland, with my favoritest neighbors in the world, and we had a grand old time.. everybody loves disneyland.  i screamed at everything possible, which made the experience just that much better.  i really do love my neighbors. <3
-Provo. for the first time in my life i didn't cry or puke on my way back to provo, UT. it was a surreal experience. perhaps, after two years, i am growing to accept my fate in life? i don't dare hope that i might actually be liking it.
-Social.  still not much to report in that venue. but, i am determined to make some friends. i suppose. if i have to.
-Work. still working at the horse place. i love it--horses are so majestic, yet fragile, and some of them even miss you when you're gone. Miss Priss, (who is the least prissy horse i've ever seen--and i know, having cleaned her stall for about a month now.) is adorable. and when i leave her stall in the morning she whinnies for me to come back. i love her. and she loves her ears rubbed. and i'm happy to oblige. i'm also "working" in a lab, as frog husbandry.  we have six xenopus laevis frogs in our care (mine and another girl's) and every thursday we assist in a surgery with them.  hopefully, soon i can become a surgeon as well. i don't get paid for this either, i get credit hours.
-School. i'm actually loving it. i love my classes and they are all very interesting, and hopefully i can stay on top of things throughout the end of the semester. i'm taking: animal husbandry, environmental law and policies, principles of range management, organic chemistry, family history, and animal restraint. all of which are AMAZING. yes. even ochem. well, in the second week of school they are amazing. i reserve the right to change my mind later. but animal restraint is awesome already--we are conducting a study on finches, and their eating habits. its going to be lovely.  my finch is named j. pierpont. and she's a girl. which i wasn't planning for when i picked the name, but j could stand for julia or jennifer or jessica or jenna or something.

but yeah. thats my slightly boring on paper but not in real life life.  i'm busier than i've ever been in my life, sleep has become a wonderful fantasy, and ice cream is my best friend.

it happened.

see the anklet i have on in this picture?

it came off. i've been wearing it since the beginning of summer. and yesterday, it came off.  well i sort of pulled it, and it broke. i didn't happen to remember, in the heat of the moment this morning at 5:00, that when this anklet falls of, something is supposed to happen.

i bought this anklet at the aquarium of the pacific. that teal color is my favorite color. along with most shades of it. but that was my favorite. and dolphins? who could hate dolphins? so i got it. different colors mean different things. white was happiness, green was peace..etc.

so the thing is, when the anklet falls off you're supposed to get what the color means...does that make sense? if your anklet beads were white, per se, then you would get happiness when the anklet came off.  well, my teal color?  apparently, thats the color of...romance.

Yes,

she is talking about her dog.



and i miss my babies.

Wrangler 

Ephraim

synopsis.

don't stone me--i haven't blogged in a LONG time. (22 days.)

so, here are some stories from my life between then and now. 

anna, whitley, and i went hiking to the sulfur pots.  it was great fun!  i don't have much else to say about it, because it was a great hike and i love lounging in the sulfur pots, and thats how simple it needs to be. sulfur is great for your skin! :)

whitley and i went to the midnight showing of harry potter! i would post pictures, but whitley has them. we dressed up and everything!

i started volunteering at a stable!  i muck.  as in, muck horse manure out of four stables at 530 in the morning MTW. strangely, i love it. :) (not the early morning part) my horses are (names shortened for everyone's sake, horse names are ridiculous!) Star (Starafire, M), Madison Square (F), Lola (With Perfection Loa, M), and Donna (Prima Donna Loa, F). Donna is my favorite. while i'm mucking her stall i alternately sing prima donna from phantom and some random song from mamma mia. (usually Honey, Honey).  Donna, however, loves her face to be right where yours is. its funny how each horse has a personality--Donna is an attention mongrel. she even threatens to kick over the barrel i've just filled with manure if i don't give her the attention she demands. also, her stall is so easy to clean. she really is a prima donna. in return for this lovelyness, i get riding lessons. i think i'll really like them. i need some riding boots though, tennis just don't seem to be cutting it. and perhaps riding pants?  we shall see what my wallet allows. so, i won't be getting either of them. 

i held a giant snake in my animal diversity class. also a small one, but the giant one was way cool. i love me some animals. 

the prevet club and i went to visit a bird refuge/rehabilitation center. it was WAY AWESOME. she had two baby bears!! they were adorable! and for birds there was everything from bald eagles to the tiniest little owl! (northern saw-whet )  i loved loved loved it. i hope i can volunteer there someday. she even has a pet crow! i would love a pet crow. i've always actually wanted a raven more...but we will see :)

my apartment is super cute decorated for christmas! i love it. and i'm so excited for christmas to come. i'm just mainly excited to get out of provo. and see my lovely family! and not worry about schoolwork. and relax! and be warm. oh what a joy. 

we had a dinner party here, amber's doing. she invited lots of people and made a great dinner and it was actually fun. maybe i just need to socialize in my own apartment? socializing is just way too hard. but anyway, it felt like a wonderful christmas party. 

anna comes over often. its great. we chat, sometimes longboard (i do love longboarding) watch bones on thursdays, psych on wednesdays. lately she's been spending the night at our apartment too, since hers is water damaged and no one was home. everyone pity anna!  its been fun :)

thanksgiving was wonderful. i spent it with dear miss lily <3. she's grown so big! she was adorable, as usual. she also got her second exposure to a snow day, and i got some great pictures. as in, fantastic pictures. okay, only two, but what more can you ask of a toddler who hates the snow? (as is only right, seeing as she has california blood in her)

yesterday i saw tangled!!! it was a fabulous movie. so fabulous i think it might become the new princess and the frog. for those of you who don't know me that well, that means i watch it at least once every two days, if not more. (when i lay my hands on it.) and listen to the music constantly until i have it memorized. my roommates just LOVE me when i do this, but i just can't help it! i love me some disney! 

i saw brittany as well yesterday! oh how i miss my old roommates. they make me laugh. :)  

oh, also yesterday, jenna and i made a trip to bath and body works. i now have a scent. my own scent. my perfume. weird? yes.  but jenna just really wants me married. and i am not opposed to smelling good. black raspberry vanilla. there was a really good sale as well...we paid for three things, got eight. i love smelling my wrists..i'll just have to try not to do it too much in public. 

and that brings us to the present. the last few moments of sunday peace before the finals rush caves in on me. sorry i'm lame about pictures...if i had my father's camera, that would be different....but its not. 

and in this single blog post alone, you learned about all of my obsessions: nature, animals, disney, photography, and lily. way to go, people of the blogging world! 

over & out. 

I'm having trouble..

first of all, i can't study.
second of all, whenever i study, i fall asleep.

someone PLEASE tell me there's a cure for this.
i get about 7 hours avg sleep a night. thats got to be enough. i eat enough protein. i get enough iron.

i can't focus. i can't even make myself have fun instead, for fear of being swallowed by the guilt--so i sit around on my friday/saturday nights doing nothing. possibly indexing. but usually watching movies. with the roommates that happen to be home.

this can't keep happening. who's got a cure?

please tell me there's a cure.

Serendipity

i googled my name. i shouldn't have done that.

because i saw my future.

Greylock Animal Hospital Inc.-Rebecca Mattson, DVM

oh dear. apparently--i'm going to vet school. that is, unless i change my name ;) (if you know what i mean.)

she is a mother of three. she loves to sing. she has three cats. she practiced in utah. she has a husband who is a pediatrician.

vet school prereqs it is.

The definition of Grown-Ups.

(i'm seriously going to do this one day.)

Wildlife and Wildlands Conservation

is the name of my new major. fancy shmancy, isn't it?  people ALWAYS ask what it is. is it not obvious?  or are they just from utah; where recycling is a naughty word? (they make you pay to recycle here.  way to encourage stewardship of the earth!)  or maybe, all the W's are throwing people off. or conservation is too big of a word. for any still confused:  

wildlife (wild things, as in animals and plants that are wild) and wildlands (places that are not inhabited by humans) conservation (the act of preserving).  

the question of what i could do with it is plausible. in fact, i'm still figuring it out. in fact, i'm still figuring out what i want to do with it. all i know is, i want to work with animals.  here are some potential career choices (even if my parents call them hobbies):

-wildlife biologist

-zookeeper

-wildlife conservation officer

-zoologist

these are just the jobs right out of college i could do.  

with more schooling:

-vet tech

-moorpark college (zookeeper)

with a few (plus a few more than a few) more classes, and probably a residency in WA, i could apply to vet school. 

my ultimate dreams include:

-being a wildlife photographer for Nat Geo

-training sea lions (and possibly doing a show like Fools with Tools)

-being a vet (or vet tech) at a zoo or aquarium like Adam Sandler.

-being someone on Animal Planet, like good ol' Steve Irwin.

i'm just not sure how motivated i am to go to more school. i really hate school.  school and i don't get along. today's world without it, though.. its impossible. i just wish it would all slow down.

Happy Days

Amber: Judy.   Me: Barbra.
This is our song that will keep the foul winter woes away. And whatever other woes (probably boys.) come our way.

the thing about college is..

i feel a void.  a void where the people and things i care about should be. a void that should be full of lily. my sister.  my beautiful big black labradors.  my mom.  my family. my best friends.

i guess my nurturing side is overpowering at times. okay, most times. or all times.

i got a couple of plants.  but they don't do much. i can care for them, but not about them.  its not the same.  a labrador will tell you he needs you 24 hours of the day. i could stand to be needed a little bit less, but its nice all the same.

but the things is..a void leads to emptiness. emptiness to loneliness.  and loneliness to sadness.

and for as unsociable and taciturn a nature as i have, i think i have a bit of a problem.

i'm just not cut out for college life.

because of course, the natural solution would be to get a dog. but living in college apartments really throws a wrench into that plan.

option b: get a baby. to do this would mean getting a husband or jeopardizing my spot in the celestial kingdom. neither of which i'm willing to do at this point.

option c: transfer schools.  UW?  in my dreams.  can anyone say out of state tuition??

option d: internship.  pros: out of utah, much more exciting. cons: still not with my family, and too much money (that would be my dad's con, even though its no more than a semester here)

option e: get a ferret named harold.

i did option e.

Orca/Killer Whales

did you know they're really dolphins?  (ps. i took these pictures.)

I spy a....purple seastar.

L94, Calypso

L94s calf, L113 (unnamed female)

Spyhop by L113

Playful One Year Old

L113 

Calypso (L94) and L113 breach, blowhole by L113

i apologize for not having a better lens...you can take that up with my father. but for my 18-200mm, i am pretty proud.