Friends

While I'd like to say I'm a really good friend, I get the feeling sometimes that I'm not.

The most common phrase I hear from my friends is "Why haven't you been around lately?" or rephrased in perhaps a "Where have you been all my life?" or "Why haven't I seen you in forever??" sort of way.

Well, to answer a few questions, here's why:
Today's schedule consisted of:
Trying to get up at 6:43, failing
Getting up at 8, showering, getting ready, leaving at 8:45, without eating
Getting to Zumba at 9:00, dancing horribly (but having fun) until 10:30
Climbing the RB stairs (noteworthy), changing, trying not to look as if I'd just been sweating buckets, arriving at surgery at 10:45
Making solutions until 11:25
Cutting up and sewing up Bronco until 11:49
Waiting for her to wake up/studying/cleaning up the frog room/making lists/grabbing vending machine food until 1:00
Microbiology lab until 2:12 (we got out early)
Talking to Grant for a few minutes afterwards about bears until 2:32
Taking two Microbiology quizzes on the new LearningSuite until 3:10
Running into Lorraine on campus for five minutes until 3:15
Fighting the Women's Conference Wilkinson traffic for ceramics supplies until 4:00
Getting to the Marlboro at 4:05
Calling my dad/re-reading notes and writing Cornell notes until 4:25
Microbiology class from 4:30-6:30 (We got out early.)
Running home to avoid the rain until 6:50
Not wanting to see anyone or do anything until 8:39, current time.

And that's just a Thursday. Don't get me started on Mondays.

Honestly, I hardly had time to eat. Then I get home, its nice, quiet, dark, serene, I'm finally full, I put on comfortable clothing, took off shoes...and I'm sort of in heaven. I revel in this, sparingly, but indeed I do. My roommates are gone for quite some time and ...well, living alone has its perks. I don't even feel like picking up my clothes even, because no one else has to see it. That's weird, that living alone can do that.

I should be a hermit.

Dear Change,

Go to a very bad place, please.

I don't like you. And finals brings you with it. Which adds to my dislike of you. You take people from me. You add new challenges. You make me uncomfortable. You make me sweat. You make me crave carbs. You make me leave what I love. All of these things are not pleasing. Could you just cut it out, for once?

Regards, Becca.

Here's the thing. I'm losing a lot of people I love here at BYU, and its not so pleasant. Who thought it was a good idea to get attached to people you only know for a couple months? (Same thing goes for Disney, but it was all so rushed at the end I didn't have time to mourn.) So, for my sake, I'm going to put down their names here so I will remember them when I'm old and grey.

Blake Hansen. Fellow surgeon.
Justin Jones. Oocyte researcher.
Nalani Yamada. Pre-Vet club president.
Jesse Ford Jenny. Pre-Vet club vice president.
Cory Davis. Pre-Vet student.
Eric. He's graduating..but I don't suppose I can count him as being gone quite yet.
Aimee Fresh. Roommate.
Countless ward members. Jeremy, Brodie, Stopher, Tek, Tyler, Ian, Dalan, Ryan, Grant, Trent, Phil
Bishop Clark.
And from Disney, to commemorate.
Katie Hemby.
Megan Sirrine.
Laura Leavy.
Lindsay Bailey.
Josiah Rupp.
Ryan Hallquist.
BJ Thompson.
Chelsea Howell.
Supriya Malik.
Tanisha Prabhu.
Amber Zuniga.
Belle Laotrakul.
Kerati Wu.
Elder Gregson.
Elder Engemann.


And I'm sure I'm missing a few. It's hard to think of the people you miss. Not going to lie, I'm a good compartmentalizer. When I'm not choosing to dwell, I'll be just fine. Which sometimes I hate, because it feels insensitive. But one can't mope forever, can she?
Just for a few hours. Late on a Thursday night.

Some other things I'm going to miss once the semester is over: Ornithology. Plant ID-The class I love to hate. Safety Certification. Little responsibility for the Pre-Vet club. No class on Tuesdays.  Going birding.

To name a few.
But, not to be a total Debbie Downer, I'm actually excited for quite a few things as well. There has to be some balance, eh? And change does do some good, I suppose...I just haven't gotten to that stage of grief yet. Acceptance, they call it?  We'll see how I feel in the morning.

Personal Mantra

I learned it at Disney, and I have tried to live by it, although somewhat failing these last few weeks, but that's another story altogether.

But here it is.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." -We Bought a Zoo

That's also probably a favorite movie. Which I have plenty of, but really that has got to be a favorite. It's beyond amazing.
So, that quote, coupled with another gem from another movie :

"Every woman has the exact love life she wants."-Wedding Date

Means I go out on a limb, get uncomfortable, and stretch my comfort zone. It worked....at the beginning of the semester. I'll pick it back up come spring, pinky promise.

Pocahantas

I love this movie. And I used to strongly identify with Pocahantas, how she didn't want to get married because there was some new adventure out there just around the river bend, waiting for her. I've always felt that way. Torn between what I've been taught since childhood and my big dreams for myself.

I'm watching Pocahantas right now. And while I was singing "Just Around the River Bend" with her, I can't say that I agree with her anymore. 

"I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?
For a handsome sturdy husband
Who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming?
Just around the riverbend"

Well here's the thing. Marriage in itself is an adventure, that twists and turns just as much as her own single adventure would. And there's nothing wrong with handsome sturdy walls. But that's my own personal opinion, since I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm a homebody, and absolutely LOVE staying home.

Maybe it's just the brainwashing of Provo.

But for all that I now don't agree with her in that respect, I still wholeheartedly agree with this song.

Oh the things we can learn about ourselves from Disney. 

I was told to save this for future generations...

Thursday night was the Pre-Vet club. I'm the experience coordinator, publicity officer, and webmaster of the prevet club--rolled all into one we like to call it the Starship Commander.

So we had a fabulous meeting, wherein we learned all the stress and insanity that it is to apply to vet school. Mike and I downed the Dr. Pepper like it was a nice hard liquor. That was fun.

Afterwards, the president and vice president had what they called one-on-ones with their officers. I went first. It was actually kinda fun--an interview type setting, but questions about the club and what you would do in situation A or B...etc. During the interview they told me to write down one piece of information for all posterity to enjoy.

And here it is:
Dr. Roeder expressed her appreciation for me putting up fliers for the Pre-Vet club. 


First of all, Dr. Roeder is an intimidating, 5 foot woman, with a DVM being only her first higher education degree (of many), and she has a love for dairy cows. She's the Pre-Vet advisor. She's the club's advisor. She doesn't really like the club...at all. She withholds praise in general, and doesn't particularly enjoy thanking people. So Nalani and Jesse (Pres&Vice) stressed that she never, ever says anything nice about the club, and that I needed to write this down for progeny. Because its huge.

Here's how it happened. I force myself to say hi to her (its a little scary) and I was going around with my clipboard full of fliers when I ran into her. Briefly. So I said hello, and she said hi, then I said I'm just having a grand time putting up these fliers for the Pre-Vet club, and she says : "I really appreciate that. (insert awkward  guffaws and perhaps a "No, I like it!") No really, I appreciate your efforts for the club. It's not easy." Some thank-yous ensued and it was fortunately cut short because of our travel directions, but there you have it. Ladies and gents, praise from Dr. Roeder.

Then I told Jesse & Nalani I'd blog about it. Done.

Mixing Worlds

I have this thing about my worlds. I like them separate, I've realized.
I'm working on it, I promise.

But for now its still weird when the lady I volunteer for in Mapleton comes to my university ornithology lecture and shows the birds. The entire thing was weird, and I was apprehensive almost all day--why? I'm not sure.  The smells were out of place, the sights, her wacky stories, the place I was sitting in the room, the undue attention on me--it was all off. Which is ridiculous. I'm crazy. But it just is.

This goes for a lot of my other worlds. My home, high school friends, mixing with my new college friends--weird. My family meeting my college roommates/friends--strange. My ward friends meeting the professors I work with--super weird. My neighbor friends and my church friends together--awkward. Disney people mixing with BYU people--risky. People coming over to my house (when I was in CA)--uncomfortable. Inviting nonmembers to church--scary.


I don't even want to think about the hardest meshing of worlds to yet come---introducing a boyfriend/fiancee to my family & friends. Talk about TERRIFYING.

And here's the thing. I don't really know why. Why do these things make me uncomfortable? Anna of course wouldn't be uncomfortable, for she doesn't believe in awkwardness, but believe you me...it's all quite awkward.

Which is crazy. I know. I'll get over it. Maybe.

Silence.

So I know I probably owe y'all an explanation for my blogging hiatus.

Who am I kidding? No I don't!

I'm in my apartment right now, alone, on a Saturday night. It hasn't happened like this in awhile. Whereas it used to happen all the time. I'm not sure what is different, exactly, except I suppose I became more social. More personable. I blame Disney.
But I'm reveling in the silence. No music, no people, no sounds (except for when a noisy scooter drives by like just now.) I won't lie, I am at peace, and happy even. At peace with the fact that I should be doing better in my classes, but I'm not. At peace with the choices I've been making, and the ways I'm trying to better myself. At peace with what may come, or what may not. I revel in the small chances I get to sit in silence and think, without any distractions or outside opinions (not that they're unwelcome, by any means).
Here's a snapshot of my thoughts:
Priorities-They're important. Unfortunately, to my parents probable disdain, school has dropped from the top of my priorities and has been replaced with family. Lets talk eternal significance. I don't need school. I do however, need my family. I know you still take your learning with you, but I don't want to regret that I wasn't more social in college because I was studying/stressed/bitter. I'm taking chances, creating relationships, and being happy.  My grades are suffering a bit for it, but I don't quite ...care. This family priority means my already eternal family. I miss them like crazy. I know, we talk all the time. We video chat. But its not the same. I want to be home, and hug my little brother, kiss my niece, gossip with my sister, get advice from my mother, argue with my older brother, be tortured by my father, love my dogs...I suppose some people would call that homesickness. But its not debilitating, by any means, just a longing for home. Family as a priority also means working on finding an eternal companion and doing all I can to make that happen. Dating is hard, but I might be getting somewhere. Learning, always learning. In this world called Provo, away from home & family, dating has become the center of my attention and time. I hate to say it, but its true. I've caught the bug. Marriage is a scary word, but I can't think of a single thing that would make me happier.
Making a difference. I have recently attended the 22nd Annual Hunger Banquet at BYU (with a date, might I add) and I may or may not have shed tears the entire time. I just kept thinking to myself, if I could just make a difference in one of those children's lives...the thought doesn't really have a "then" component. I just want to make them smile, make them happy. See them laugh again, and be healthy. My life would be a fulfilling one if only I could do something to help. As for now, its slightly frustrating, being helpless and powerless to do much of anything.
Friends. I've got 'em. I'm the luckiest girl in the world with the friends that I have, even when I don't pay as much attention to them as I should. I'm sure I'm a terrible friend in return, but I love them all dearly. One night, I prayed for everyone that I loved, and it took a solid 15 minutes. And with a shoddy memory like mine, its more than likely I missed a few. There's never been a time in my life when I've felt more loved than I do now. I couldn't be more grateful.
My wonderful roommates are home now, so I will conclude the ramblings of my head. Love you all.

i should have a positive attitude but...

i don't.

christmas is about family.
if i've learned anything at Walt Disney World, it's where my priorities lie.
that much is clear.

parade crash bang die.

tuesday was a memorable day.

here's the thing: the internationals know parade. no one else does. but the big wigs on high decided that internationals can no longer do parade. cold turkey. in the middle of the holiday season. which means a very, very high volume of people.  with cast members who don't have a clue what they're doing.
we would have ignored the bigwigs but they were actually physically coming to see the internationals dance with the banghra DJ at the yak'n'yeti. go figure.
so we finally got the stanchions up at probably 3:20, after putting one in, realizing the rope didn't fit, and taking it back out again, repeatedly. (parade starts at 3:45, stanchions should be up no later than 2:45.) the coordinator who was supposed to be coordinating at this time had done parade maybe once or twice, and (through no fault of her own) was completely lost. katie & i ended up "taking over", assigning positions, and telling people what to do.

it was all going seemingly well (as well as could be expected from our point...a bit stressful but not too overwhelming) until the fight broke out, just minutes before parade was at our door. thankfully the manager on hand spoke spanish, because the offending family was only spanish speaking and that was fun. its always fun when guests fight. the coordinator was running back and forth between helping the manager deal with them and trying to see how far away parade was.  of course it was hot on our heels, and she was close to panicking but kept her cool.  the spot that the guests had chosen to cause this big ordeal was also idyllic-the tightest spot on my walkway (only barely two ECV's worth), meaning i had a backup going all the way behind tiger tree and unhappy guests in front of me. finally it cleared up (after parade had already hit us) and i assumed the situation was alleviated.

well then we tried to follow right behind parade (like we normally do with internationals) but sans internationals no one knew how to roll ropes that fast or that well. the manager (victor) tried and failed, katie tried and failed, i tried and failed. finally victor just yelled to take off every other rope and don't even worry about stanchions, so as i'm doing that, i start rolling rope in front of the fight family. the family next to them stops me (when i'm supposed to be keeping up with the cart & other parade breakers, but we were so screwed over anyway it didn't matter) and starts asking about the procedure and if there will be a report filed and they'd testify if there was a lawsuit because they were totally in the wrong and they saw the whole thing and they want something to be done and victor said this and victor said that ...all the while i say "yes of course" "right" "victor will take care of everything" while thinking "these people are idiots. what do they think I can do? the parade isn't even good enough to fight over, you morons. get over yourselves and get on with your life. oh good, here comes guests relations." it might have been a "sit down before you pass out from the stress" moment if my favorite manager ray hadn't stopped and helped, then made me laugh at myself in spite of the situation. he's good at that. but oh, the disaster. thankfully, its so not my problem anymore. 

The Manatees

Nov. 30th-Dec 3rd my parents came down to florida for a visit--seeing as i could get them into disneyworld for free, they graciously accepted my invitation.

the one thing my father wanted though, was not disneyworld. not even close.
he wanted to see the manatees.
we must be related or something.

i was more than happy to oblige.

the experience was incredible.  manatees are an incredible animal.  big, swimming labradors.  they're adorable. they don't like much loud noises (they'll swim away) so the quieter you are they longer they'll stay. they're endangered so you have to wait until they come to you (which they do, because they're basically giant swimming dogs.)

can i just tell you its the neatest experience to rub a manatee's belly when he obviously asks you to?  they even have sweet spots. this guy's was right above his flipper in the shoulder area. he would arc his back like that was the best feeling in the world. when we finally had to go, he followed me like a puppy just wanting to be scratched again. best part is we have it on DVD.

we also saw a baby manatee. we didn't get to touch, but the baby was the cutest thing in the world. it was also communicating with its mother--did you know manatees squeak like mice? it's true. they do.

anyway, to make a long story short, manatees are now my favorite animal. for a long time i've struggled with that question: i've always needed an explanation for why an animal is my favorite (and thereby could never answer said question with honesty). over the years i might have said elephant, cuttlefish, dolphin, orca. but lets be honest, i was mainstreaming. (elephants are legit though.) i don't like to go with the crowd and like the big popular things, thats just too easy. plus i wanted a personal reason. manatees take the cake. they're not popular, they're endangered, and i have a special connection and memory associated with them. they are beautiful.

Wild Africa Trek

Mom, Dad, and I all went on what is called the Wild Africa Trek at Animal Kingdom. (introduced to Animal Kingdom Jan of 2011!)
It was a blast and a half. I think some pictures speak thousands of words though or something like that, so here it is:

Dad's cool.

Yes, we wore harnesses.

How close to a hippo have you been?

The duck isn't part of the exhibit. 

Beggar.  

My shadow on a rickety bridge over Nile Crocodiles.

Mom & Dad crossing said rickety bridge.

Shoe, bridge, crocodiles.

Thermoregulation.

Dad hugging the crocs. I think.

Thumbs up for being on leashes over a cliff above Nile Crocodiles!

Mom standing away from the edge with the crocs. (She's not a fan.)

The leashes. And the leader. 

Reticulated giraffe. 

That hut back there is where we had lunch.

Masai Giraffe.

Baby elephants. Jabali (the smallest) was born while I was here at the end of August 2011. Jabali means "Strong as a Rock" in Swahili. 

 

Jabali

Masai Giraffe (seen from the hut structure)

Lunch on Safari!

I should have gotten the vegetarian option. But everything else was still good!

The flower that came with lunch.

Meant to be a palate cleanser.

mmmm

"I'm eating a flower."

"And its not half bad."

Dad just kept taking pictures....

Watching KSR (Kilimanjaro Safari Ride) trucks go by. 

I believe this is a black rhino. 

Me with the savanna behind. A giraffe is laying down in the background. 

Lets go to Africa. 

Ostrich.

Lion.

Yawn.

The Tree of Life. (Multiple meanings?)

All in all, it was the coolest experience. I loved sharing it with my parents (especially because they paid they're awesome) mostly because they're animal people too! And surprisingly enough its hard to find people who are animal people. And who don't mind if I talk their ear off concerning facts about DAK and all the animals in it. I suppose that's where it gets really tough to find people.......

salutations

are hard.

seriously...to NOT screw up a salutation is amazing for me. if i can go a whole day with a perfect track record, i'm pretty impressed.

there's just so many.  a simple "hello!" can be responded to in so many ways. such as: "hi!" "hey!" "good morning!" "good afternoon!" "beautiful day!" "how are you?" and to each they deserve a different response.
here's what i say to guests (especially at greeter):
"namaste!" (although not very often--this is what we're "supposed" to say as a greeting in asia)
"welcome!"
"enjoy!"
"have fun!"
"how are you doing today?"
"a little wet?" (just got off the river rapids)
"happy birthday _________!" (happy birthday pin)
"happy anniversary!" (happy anniversary pin)
"happy first visit!" (1st visit pin)
"congratulations!" (just married or just engaged pin)

now that parts the easy part. its what people say back that makes it hard & you have to think on your feet. ( i really don't know why this is so difficult for me.) i have to concentrate hard.

then guests say things like:
"you too!"
"thank you!"
"just fine, how about you!?"
"how are you doing?"
"is it open?"
"where is the line?"
"what is this?"
"do we get on a truck?"
"how long is it?"
"where is the mountain?"
"namaste?"
"just a little!"
"no english!"

and i gotta respond correctly to all of that while making sure no one is taking uncovered food into the trek, answering questions, letting fat strollers into the wheelchair access, adding guests with the button, and giving my opinion on the shows in the park.

but i always slip up on the little things. when a guest surprises me with a non-conventional comment like : you have a beautiful smile! --i tend to say things like: welcome! or enjoy! instead of thank you, like i really meant to say. or if i am caught off guard the first time, i just say "hmm?" and actually really focus the next time they say it so i can respond accordingly.  my absolute favorite though is when i tell kids happy birthday and say their name, then they look so shocked that i know their name and that it's their birthday, then they remember they're wearing the pin, reach up to touch it, and when they're parents nudge them to say "thank you" they instead return my happy birthday with yet another, "happy birthday". cutest thing in the world!

this post doesn't even begin to cover the complexity that is speaking to a multitude of people one right after another (and the difficulty i have had with it), but really i wanted to end with this. a SMILE means so much more than a salutation anyway. no matter what you say, if it's said with a smile you can't go wrong. and boy i love smiling. even if i don't mean it half the time. and the other half i'm trying not to yawn. just kidding, thats only 3/4 of the time--the other 1/4 i really am smiling for serious.

public transport.

listen. i'm not one of those stuck up rich white girls. only perhaps a little bit. and i hate it. but, seriously.

public transportation is NOT for me.

its inconvenient, first of all---you have to be at the bus stop 15 minutes early so you don't miss the correct bus, assuming the bus will be on time (which it never is) and it gets you to work at least a half hour to an hour early because if you took the next bus it would be only ten minutes before you were supposed to clock in. and since the buses don't run on time and you're already 10 minutes away from the computer you can clock in at (which can be 5-7 if you hurry) they're going to make you late no matter what. since we don't get walk time. and i live in asia. the furthest from everything. (except rafikis.)

but thats not even the worst part. most of the time i'm fearing for my life. and i've tried to occupy myself with other things when the driver is driving like a maniac, but i generally death grip the pole i'm sitting next to or the seat in front of me and watch wide-eyed waiting for the fiery collision to occur. they all drive too fast, stop too slow, and take turns way too closely. it scares the living daylights out of me. how do these people become bus drivers? of children? and/or college students? it kills me. heart attack, twice a day. i'm sure its not good for my nervous system. positively unhealthy.

Dennis Nedry

i felt a bit like this yesterday.  not the whole dinosaur spitting in my face thing. well sort of. but dennis nedry, yes.
it all started on a beautiful, sunny, hot florida day.
i was doing a butterfly survey.  better known as surveying butterflies.  well we drove down the road of the conservation area of disney, parked, and walked back along the road for a mile identifying butterflies. i was sweating it was so hot. on november 21st. despite that, in the far distance there were dark clouds coming, and half way through the survey the wind started a-blowing, then when we were just about done the rain started. sooo we turned around started walking back to the truck, however, when we turned around we saw a sheet of rain the size of grapes coming at us. so we commenced running. running in hiking boots really isn't comfortable, nonetheless the 40-year old feisty raptor keeper made it to the truck and BACK to us before the rain got us (she's amazing). however, i was in the front seat of said truck.  the person in the front seat of said truck is called the gatekeeper.  as we got closer and closer to the gate christy kindly pointed out to me that i would be the one getting out of the truck to unlock, let the truck through, and lock the gate behind us. in the rain the size of grapes, i was soaked before i put the key in the lock. christy (the aforementioned 40-year old) proceeded to take pictures of me on her iphone as i was struggling with the lock and also as i got back into the truck sopping wet. it was cute. real cute. now, as we drove back to animal kingdom, the rain stopped. bright and sunny once more, florida played an evil and cruel trick on me. my coworkers believed christy's story rather than mine that i jumped in the moat to play with an alligator. all was well, however, when the most beautiful rainbow showed up--every letter of ROY G. BIV was visible and it extended across the sky like it would never end. i also ended up with a tour of the nutrition center and the wildlife tracking center, both of which were rare treats that made my day.

the next thing that made my day was bonding with my managers, then driving home in the car so generously loaned to me by the lovely katie, then going to (and bringing an investigator to) thanksgiving dinner by the ward. after that, a lesson with the investigator and the missionaries, then a lovely drive home for a beautiful end to the evening.

to end on a completely different note, i have an appreciation for missionaries that i really didn't see before now.  the mantle is a powerful thing, and having been around when they're working its hard not to see it. it is truly incredible.

intelligence.

intelligence and disney do not always coincide.
surprise?
i'm pretty sure it happens at the front gate. as soon as these people go through the turnstyles and have their fingerprint scanned, it happens. they lose any and all semblance of intelligence and/or logic and/or common sense.

deer is plural. it is also singular. there is no such thing as "deers." especially when referring to a very, very large bovine species.
not every bird with feathers is a peacock.
when a "baby" bird with a ten foot wingspan is flying 3 inches over your head while sitting, don't stand up.
don't try to grab the crane. why would you try to grab a bird flying over your head?
the person standing around in the neon pink blouse, strangely patterned skirt, and nametag really is a disney cast member. same as the next person in the exact same getup. i know, we blend. its our fault.
no matter how much you pretend you don't speak english, we know you do when you start to yell at us in it. fluently.
putting your small child standing up on top of the five foot fence enclosing the 1800 lb banteng really isn't the best idea.
yelling/meowing/whistling/"here kitty kitty"-ing at tigers isn't going to make them move, except perhaps in the other direction.
antelope are not baby deer.
leaving your sleeping child alone in a stroller outside while you ride the ride isn't good. in fact you should be jailed.
when i tell you i don't speak spanish, and you proceed to ask me your question is very fast spanish without any hand gestures or visual aides, i still don't speak spanish.
letting your 10 year old swear in front of you, your husband, and me, multiple times, is really not okay.
stripping your 7 year old female daughter of all-read, ALL- her clothing because they're wet from the ride you decided to take her on and letting her walk around naked isn't advisable.
disney would LOVE to let you hand-feed their fully grown tigers.
the tiger paw i'm holding isn't a bear paw. no matter how many times you tell me it is.
that loud noise you heard isn't an elephant, nor does it sound like one. its a bird.
i don't look cute in the aforementioned costume. don't creepily wink at me. drink your dag gone beer and move on.
when i told you female komodo dragons don't need males to reproduce, i wasn't implying your marriage should end. at all.

but for all the idiots, bad parents, and stupid people i've seen, heard, and spoken with, there are the gems that seem to make it all the way back to asia with their sense and wits.  one mother--i swear she was the highlight of my day--didn't allow her boy to climb on the fence at all, pointed out every animal and asked him questions about them, and this kid knew! he was probably only 10, but he knew my animals and knew all my questions to him about the antler i was holding. the mother correctly called my peafowl peahens, not peacocks (because they're female) and correctly identified horns vs antlers, deer vs antelope, and deer vs cow.
another 8 or 9 year old kid made my day by knowing all about my fruit bats. told me everything. could have had my job.
another kid was an expert on komodos. he even knew how they hunted, and how what makes them deadly isn't poison (as he corrected his mother) its bacteria.

these people make my day. also anyone who laughs at my tiger overlook jokes. also anyone who asks about the bar-headed geese. also anyone with some common sense. end of story.

Blog Abstinence

it's not you, it's me. 

so don't take it personally. 

here's the cliffnotes:

my sister is having another baby girl!! name? undecided. 

however, miss lily thinks it should be ariel. nickname anybody?

i work in the most magical place on earth.  ANIMAL KINGDOM.  where the bats are gay and the tigers are lazy. flights of wonder humor has taken over my life (not funny), and i'm pretty sure the komodo wants me for a snack. however, i have yet to be christened in the aviary, so am i just the unluckiest person in the world or what? the blackbuck bucks are turning black, so here comes the beginnings of some awkward conversations with children, not that i'm not used to it in the bat house anyway.  its a little easier with bats to write it off as "fighting" though, and most kids will accept that. its the adults who are the immature ones, believe it or not (but really, believe it). the number of grown men i see in there giggling, pointing, and drinking beer is really quite disturbing. the number of their girlfriends who tell them they wish they had one that looked like that is equally so.  they are usually drinking beer as well. but my favorite lady was really very interested in their "fighting" so i kindly pointed out that we only have male bats (which is pretty obvious). she looked at me, for a couple of seconds, then guffawed loudly and told me that it was worth her entire ticket to see our gay bats at it. another little old british lady walked up to me and said, in a very english manner, "so, how often to the bats make love? because those two are really going at it." my eyes widened a bit on that one, but i kept my composure enough to tell her that we have all male bats and really they're raping each other. in a nice way. i mean i said it in a nice way, there's really no way for the rape to be nice. what with all the screaming that takes place.  ...nope. not going to say it. 

and if THAT wasn't cliffnotes, i don't know what is!  my apologies for the awkwardness that is this post, however, such is my life. 

proximity

because no matter how cool the tiger is that is in the back of the exhibit, the peahens (incorrectly called peacocks) always get the most attention because they're almost touchable.

Orange to Orange

did you know that orlando, florida is in the great county of orange?  it seems good ol' Walt had a bit of a sense of humor in picking his second location--orange to orange. or perhaps he just had a strange obsession with fruit.

well folks, i'm at DISNEYWORLD!  and its so unbelievably awesome its not even funny. i love my roommates. (for reals.)  i love my job. i love the weather. I LOVE DISNEYWORLD!

here's a general description of what i'm doing:  for at least 30-40 hours of my week i am working attractions at Disney's Animal Kingdom (DAK). i am a villager of anandapur, in the asia section of DAK.  anandapur is a fictional village set at the base of the himalayas.  on the maharajah jungle trek (where i live) you can see all kinds of different animals that can be found throughout asia (generally southeast asia) including tigers, giant bats, komodo dragons, blackbuck antelope, sarus crane, eld's deer, bar-headed geese, banteng, and many many species of exotic asian birds. all of which i know very much about-i am a knowledgeable and adept guide in anandapur.

the best thing ever though is just talking to the guests. while i was training still i had an addition to my nametag that said "earning my ears."  one time in the bat house, a kid walks up to me and says "you're in training." with his hands on his hips. i told him that yes, i was still learning, and he proceeded to fire questions at me about the bats in an effort to quiz me. thankfully i knew all his questions, but boy did i feel grilled. i love that though. i love talking to all the different people about conservation and the animals they see in front of them. and THAT'S MY JOB, people! they pay me for that! not very well, granted, but i still get paid!

its a wonderful life. 

how much is too much?

honesty, my dear fellow bloggers.    how much is too much?

what would you like to read on this blog?  so far as me creating a journal of events, i haven't been quite so honest. if i had, you would have known about what i like to call, my deepest secrets. not that they're really rather deep, nor are they secret from those i talk to on a regular basis.  but what should i be telling the blogging world, really?

my fear is of being an annoying blogger. in fact, that's my fear in every day life. would you like to hear the angst of a teenager? the feelings of a hormonal-almost-twenty-year-old? lets face it, no one really wants to hear that. right?  for my part i'm inclined to stick almost exclusively to the stuff that makes one laugh. and/or rather large events in my life. recently, however,  that doesn't make for frequent blogging. but i've never been one to publicly address my personal feelings. its uncomfortable. and no one likes to be uncomfortable.

but, maybe i could do uncomfortable.  maybe.

i'm about to be DISNEYIFIED

***people (anna) suggest that it should be disney-fied instead of disney-i-fied but i disagree. its disneyified to me. your thoughts?**

i'm getting ready to be disneyified!!  disney is coming up in 25 days.  the countdown is starting now.  i'm packing up all my belongings out of the apartment that i've lived in for almost an entire year now, and i'm getting ready to go home, go camping, hang out with some friends, and then go to disneyworld for one of the coolest adventures of my life.  its almost time!!

Cinderella

i suppose its about time i wrote about Cinderella, the play that has been commandeering most (aka all) of my free time since June.

at first i was reluctant.

(mine and scott's phone conversation in may)
scott: "you should come audition for Cinderella with me."
me: "Cinderella?  as in, Rodgers and Hammerstein?"
scott: "yeah that one."
me: "when are auditions?"
scott: "last saturday."
me: "well thanks for the heads up.  looks like i can't audition."
scott: "you can come tonight. its callbacks but they are hearing a few auditions beforehand."
me: "i can't make decisions that fast! i need to research it, think about it, my sister is in europe and i can't ask her! and my parents--"
scott: "just come."
me: "okay."
(there were quite a few more protests, but you have humored me enough.)


even after i auditioned, i tried to quit.  after all, i had 8 credits during a spring semester, 5 of which required 3 hours spent per credit, and the other 3 were organic chemistry.  i didn't exactly have the time to fiddle around with a play.  but at that point in time, i was, well, a bit depressed. for awhile even, i just sat in my room watching netflix when i wasn't on campus. i was still in utah, my friends were not. i had new roommates (not awful by any means, but it wasn't my amber and i hadn't known them for the previous 8 months) anna was gone, there was a budding/failing romance, and i was taking ochem over.  it was definitely not my best time. but then the play happened.

and, although i had to drive for almost 40 minutes in the hot heat of desert summer, it made me happy. once i got to know diana, i knew there was no going back.  we were practically connected at the hip for the duration of the play.  we were even referred to as "counterparts."

our parts were, well, pigs. we ate during every scene we were in.  after a box of creampuffs a night, diana totaled them to be about 300 consumed in all..definitely not all by us, but we ate the majority. i'd say about 100 were given away, stolen, and/or shoved down the prince's throat. we probably ate about 9 loaves of french bread, 9 baybel cheeses, and various fruits along with that--and that was only what was eaten on stage.  we got the most laughs out of the audience by far, except for maybe the stepsisters (who even then thought they needed to be funnier when they heard the audience laughing at us).

but really, it was the backstage show that was the icing on the cake. (which we also ate on stage.) during "do i love you" diana and i would be half dressed in the dressing room for our next scene when we would drop everything we were doing and sing once brenton (the prince) sang "I WANT YOU" during one part that we thought was ridiculous. we would sing it to each other and spin around in circles, dip, and possibly twirl a few times. then there was a lovely night, where we would be literally right behind the curtains dancing--diana and brenton take the cake on this. i'm so glad there is a video on facebook.

i guess what i loved the most though was selling wands with diana during intermission. not that i enjoyed the selling part, but the little girls that would run up to us and tell us we were so pretty in our ballgowns and how we looked like princesses. we would tell them that they were the ones who looked like princesses and they would just smile & giggle. it was adorable. one mom said it was even better than disneyland.

in all, it was really just wonderful.

Glue

i have, for awhile now, prided myself on being the "glue" of the family.
i probably shouldn't use the word 'prided' --rather, it makes me happy to see/do.
i'm the female middle child, which means i'm perfectly apt to be the family glue sticking everybody together.
here's the thing:
when i left home i thought i'd be so happy to get away from the house.  then i found myself extremely homesick with an awful roommate. then i wanted nothing more to be home, with my family.
so, with the miracle that is cell phones, i started my journey to becoming the Mattson Family Glue.

first, after having spent some time with the booths, i realized that when we hang up the phone we needed to end our conversations with "i love you" or "love you, bye."  i secretly implemented this in all my conversations with my family members.  they soon took the hint.  now we don't end a conversation without it. and its weird when we do. phase one: accomplished.

phase two:  i know my brother's password for his route Y account, so whenever we register for classes, i hack his account and look to see what classes he's signed up for.  then i sign up for one of the same ones.  eric & i usually have at least one class together a semester.

phase three: gmail and photoshop.  video chat on gmail is a dream come true--chatting it up with jenna and my lilykins (who yells at the computer for becca <3) is lovely when i can't be there with them. also: i become absolutely necessary for jenna, seeing as she only has photoshop elements and i have the real photoshop. which means i get to do her plentiful photoshop projects for her.

phase four: family history. i took a family history class last  semester and had a great time talking to my mom about it.  i also had the occasion to call my grandparents about it several times, therefore extending my reach as glue to another generation.  i really do love family history, too, and i love hearing any stories my grandparents have to offer.

phase five: facebook friends.  my cousins (all two of them) and my family aren't the best of friends. i added my cousin on facebook and on skype, and we occasionally chat. i couldn't find my second cousins or else i would have done that too--since they're probably who i really consider cousins most of all.

phase six: the bachelor/bachelorette. my aunt cami LOVES the bachelor/bachelorette.  its the only tv she will watch.  i always thought it was dumb...until my roommate wanted to "have" a tv show and she chose that one.  its easily addicting. but the best part is: it gives me a reason to call & talk with my aunt every monday night/whenever we get the chance to see it. i love our chats--we are, in many ways, in the same situation-except she actually has a boyfriend now!  i love talking with her about boys & life!  someday we will travel the world together. (wherever she hasn't already been!)

phase seven: calling daddy. i've been making a concerted effort to call my father--its a lot different than calling my mom (which i do almost daily), and if we get on the topic of school its generally not a fun conversation. but i love him nonetheless.

phase eight, still in progress: bryce.  we were close when i was home, because we were the only two siblings left in the house, but now that i'm gone we don't really speak.  and by close i mean when he bugged me i would hit him, and tell him to go away, etc-basic older sibling-itis. but we would have fun too.  usually when i was driving him somewhere, or something like that. it was nice.  for now, its only usually sunday phone calls.

aaand that accounts for my entire family.
all in all, i love my family.  and i love that i will be with them for eternity.

Fatal Frame

so one night after rehearsal, scott asks me if i'd like to go with him & some friends to play a game.  i thought: board, card, etc.  i said yes.   i was a bit confused when they pulled out the ps2, but i'm still up for it. no big deal.

at this point the lights are still on, people are still chatting, so its still no big deal when they pop in a game called "Fatal Frame."  (i only knew the name from googling it--otherwise i would have been scared by an anonymous video game.)  it doesn't look too bad, whatever, anime figures walking around a haunted mansion, still no big deal.  until the lights go out.  until the first "ghost" appears and starts attacking you.

at this point i may have been screaming, repeatedly, alternately "WHAT IS THAT!?" and "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"  with perhaps a few "WHY!?"s thrown in.    i mean really, these things aren't pretty.

the worst is that the ghosts don't come very often.  there's almost 10 minutes sometimes of lull wherein you can be given false hope that the ghosts are gone. but i learned after the third crawling-out-from-under-the-porch-ghost to a) don't ever relax b) always be ready to shove the blanket in your mouth to scream and c) never let the blood flow back into scott's arm.  

i was the life of the party, let me tell you. 

by the end, scott had decided he did want feeling in his fingers and just held me and covered my eyes when a ghost came to prevent me from hyperventilating. this tactic proved useful, seeing as i didn't have my inhaler with me. 

why this entertains people is beyond me. 

but, have no fear, my lesson has been learned: keep inhaler handy at all times. 

Who'da thunk?

"Your snort is like an accent. Cute!" --Grant, at the ward ice cream social. (be impressed--i went!)

apparently i have an accent. when i laugh. and then, unattractively, snort.
i've never quite figured the draw, but hey--i'll take what i can get.

spring term.

good news!  its warming up!  (if it snows again, my wrath will be unleashed upon the universe.)

more good news! i'm doing mentored research in the lab with the woman veterinarian who will be working hardest to get me into vet school.  i'm pulverizing cow manure. yeah, just what i said.

extra good news!!  my niece says my name.  she points at the computer and cries for "BECCA!" when she wants to video chat with me.  i couldn't love her more.


bad news:  i miss people.  i miss my family. i miss anna.  i miss karina, lauren, maren. i miss jeff. i miss amber.  strangely enough i miss brandon.  i want to get out of provo.  i want to go to washington, and california, and idaho.  be that as it may, looks as if i'm stuck here for quite awhile.  weekend trips in the making?  i do believe so.

more bad news: i really miss my puppies.

BUT i have plenty to do here, with my frogs, ochem, and cow manure.  plus, i suppose, dating and social life...which mostly consists of me watching movies with my roommates.

Osama Bin Laden

is dead.

i'm not sure how i feel about it.  i mean, its good news certainly.  but the fact that the death of a person is ever good news is grating to me.  facebook would have you believe that America is the best country in the world because we've killed someone. the leader of a worldwide terrorist organization definitely deserves what he got, but the reaction of the masses is all wrong.  its not wrong to be cheerful at the prospect of an end to the war, but to be so happy that a person has been killed-and dwelling on that one fact alone-is. i fear that in writing this i will be seen as the worst form of non-patriotic trash there is, but someone has to say it.  if this means the end of the war then by all means, lets celebrate.  lets bring our troops home.  but if this is just another number in the ever growing tally of deaths caused by this war, there's really no reason to cheer. Obama's speech last night was good, but i'd like to hear more about bringing our soldiers home.

what i hate about long standing wars/world disasters is how easily they fade to the background of daily life.  i freely admit my guilt. i think about what i have been doing these past ten years and am almost ashamed that more of my time was not spent thinking about what was going on in the world, or how i could help.  our military doesn't get the credit they deserve daily, because we forget about them, being more concerned about us ,in our own little worlds.  growing up (since when 9/11 happened i was in 5th grade) i can remember times when the war on terrorism was mentioned that i was thinking, "Is that war in what's that place really still going on?"  i was a kid then, but now i'm an adult (so-to-speak), and had i not made friends in the military i would still be rather ignorant. 

so here's my question:  how can a poor college student, female, dependent on her parents, trying to get good grades, doing research on the side, trying to magnify her calling, improving her spiritual self, & trying to be social, help with a war or natural disaster? 

the awkward sidewalk passerby smile

walking back and forth to school has taught me that its awkward to make eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk.  and you dont want to look like the mean girl (as my mother would say) and i have been told i'm intimidating as it is, so i dont really need another reason to be so.

there are a few options when you see you are coming upon somebody you don't know.
option a: look down at the ground quickly, and only back up when you've passed said stranger.
option b: make eye contact but look away and down, pretending you didn't.
option c: make eye contact, smile the tight lipped no teeth doesn't reach your eyes "you're a stranger but i'm smiling even though i'm not actually happy to see you" smile.
option d: make eye contact, smile a real smile, then glance away or down and perhaps an awkward giggle.
option e: make eye contact, smile a real smile, and greet them.

i often end up going with option c.

but when there is someone who actually takes the initiative and does option e, its really something.  i can still remember the times when someone has genuinely greeted me on the sidewalk even though they don't have a clue who i am.  its those people who are really impressive.

but its so much easier to do option c. easiest would be a, but i can manage c every once in awhile.

oh dear. i really am the mean girl aren't i?

I. WENT. SKYDIVING.  

i was waiting to post this until i had put up my video to youtube so i could show you, but i'm too dumb for that.  i do have a pretty cool video though...just saying.

but lets start from the beginning. we signed our lives away...literally. if something happened we couldn't even sue for 21 years after our death! then we picked the music for our videos, met our dive instructors, geared up (my instructor (JC) was tightening something in back of me, and says to the other "Hey, did they fix this?" The other says, "Oh yeah, looks like they used duct tape to tape it up. That'll be fine."  then walks away....), and got on the plane.  the plane.  there were no seats but the pilot's, we sat on the floor in the laps of our instructors, (only the four of us, my aunt, me, and the instructors fit) and we took off with the door open.  and we probably went at least 1000 ft with it open. and then when it was closed there might as well have not been a door, since it was a plastic sheet thingy..all it did was shield us from the wind.  i was closest to the door. i literally had a birds eye view of everything going on around me--it was amazing!  as we gained altitude it got colder and colder, and by the height of 11,000 feet i was shivering-which was mistaken for nerves-but it was soo cold.  and then he says to put on my goggles and sit up in his lap, he hooks me in, then slides open the door, and says to swing my legs over the side.  sure, easy enough. until he slides me out off the edge, but we don't fall,  because you see---HE is still sitting on the edge, while i'm hooked to him and not moving but just dangling off the plane with nothing to hold onto. then he asks if i'm ready--what if i'm not?--but i am, and we fall.  i think my dad did the math, and if i remember correctly, i believe he said we were traveling at 160 mph during the free fall.  which was 40 seconds.  i guess i was screaming (not in fear, as my dad likes to insinuate) but i was having so much fun.  my poor instructor. my father says he could hear me from the ground.  also, i'm pretty sure i was senseless as to most of what was going on around me, since he said he would tap me on the arm when i was supposed to open my arms, but after tapping me twice he just ripped them off the harness himself. then the parachute opens, and well that kinda hurts around the crotch area when you are stopped midair by the harness that is around both your thighs. the chest strap also was choking me on the way down, but no biggie. it didn't really matter--it was just incredible.  he let me drive the parachute too, and that was awesome. i drove it through a cloud. then landing was fun--i just kinda slid while my instructor kind of tripped over me..not sure what i was really supposed to do but that was good enough. i was on the ground anyway.

long story short..IT WAS AWESOME!

i guess life is funny sometimes.

last summer i started digitizing my parent's home videos, since they're on VHS and, well, of course thats out of style.  right now i'm watching my sister singing in a high school choir concert...i have to say, it sounds rather awful.  she looks very pretty though. (hopefully that will appease her for saying that it sounds bad.)  even though her t-shirt is tucked into her jeans. but its the end of the year 2000--i might give her a break for that one.  soon this tape will turn into our cancun trip, and thats what i want to see at the moment.  oh now she has a solo--which of course doesn't sound bad, since we have such a similar voice they wouldn't let us audition together for music man. whats funny is that the last tape (or was it two tapes ago?) i watched her duck dance when she was probably 5 or 6 and she wiggled her butt at the camera quite a bit.  always performing. :)

whats surreal is watching people who are dead now. my aunt leson died of breast cancer not too long ago.  technically she's not my aunt, she's my cousin once removed. (my dad's cousin.) but when i was little we spent a lot of time with her and uncle ken and their kids, alyse, james, austin, and emma.  but then we didn't.  being young i didn't really understand.  i still don't really understand.  they got divorced, moved away, she left the church, and we didn't see them for a long time.  then aunt leson was diagnosed with cancer.  i saw her once when she stayed with my grandparents. then she died, and the funeral was held in colorado.  i had school; in my family, that means i didn't go.  my dad went. they were close.  already tonight he's mentioned twice how strange it is to see her so full of life as she was back when the videos were taken. he says its hard to reconcile with the image of her at her funeral.

i guess life is funny sometimes.  

the best way to see the time change is in the dogs.  when jenna was little (25 [or so] years ago) we got barkley.  the only way i remember him is in his old age when he could hardly stand up on his own, but today i saw him as a young dog running around while jenna rode her bicycle with training wheels (and crashed) and little eric had flaming red hair and a new scar next to his eye.  i'm looking at my old old black lab ephraim right now--he's got gray hairs under his chin and between the pads of his feet and his breath smells like old man, but today i saw him as 10-11 week old puppy on my 8th birthday in 1999. 

it seems to me getting old, grown up, & responsible is too much of a hassle. where did i sign up for this again?

ps. why do choirs always sing pieces that are too high for the sopranos in them?