hiccoughs; or hiccups?

this has always bothered me.
what is the real way to spell ... those annoying things?

that i have right now. and its really ticking me off.
i usually dont get them for a long time, like now. i [hiccup] once, maybe twice, really loud, and really obnoxiously (i have been told multiple times i sound like a pterodactyl) and then its over. but no, not this time. they arent really loud or really obnoxious. just ANNOYING TO ME. i mean, if i have the [hiccups] i want them to be annoying to everybody else too. and i was gifted with just the right kind. but these! the truly annoying ones. the small, and almost inconceivable to the naked eye ones. its just really, really annoying to me, and only me. where did i sign up for that?? nowhere. NOWHERE. well i guess i am grateful it isnt the really loud annoying ones, because one: there isnt anyone else home. and two: they hurt like the dickens.

aaaand they stopped. was it because i was saying mean things about them? did i hurt their feelings? well GOOD. and DONT come back.

i mean it.

anyone ever seen the guinness book of world records for [hiccups]? its like, years. how terrible would that be??? i would have hated to be that man. even to get my name in the guinness book. what if he lied? does anyone know the process it takes to get into the guinness book? it seems to me everyone would lie. but hey, thats just my view of the world.
and now: its peanut butter jelly time! good song, good song.