the end of the waiting game.

the verdict is in. 

i was not accepted into the BYU nursing program.  


i'm actually excited. and happy. and looking forward to next year, at BYU, in utah. i know, those words coming from me? impossible!  

and its like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. sure, my parents might be disappointed. sure, they might think that i'm going to waste my life on "hobbies" and never have a real job because it isn't the nine to five typical white collar money making job they expect from their children.  sure, i'll even feel like a failure a bit when i see my parents faces fall as i tell them i'll actually be doing what i love instead of what they love...but i think its time.

time for me.

time for me to not worry about what my parents want or what the pay for the job i don't even have yet is. time for me to worry about what makes me most happy. unhappiness will not be tolerated this time around.  BYU will be fun, i do have a good roommate, i won't hate the snow so much, and i will like my classes and do well in them because i enjoy them. i won't hide behind all my books.  i will enjoy going to social functions. i might go on dates. i will laugh and sing loudly.  


i'm just so glad that this waiting game is over. i can plan my future at my own free will now, with no more applications (maybe) and just pushing through to get my bachelors of science and work with and/or for animals like i dreamed about as a little girl.  biology (and whatever comes after that), here i come!  


:)

hair.

i keep getting comments about my hair.

comments such as:  i can't believe you cut your hair! (then, as an afterthought) it looks great!
then there is:  OH MY GOSH YOUR HAIR IS ADORABLE!!!
then maybe:  its so short!  how did you do it?? i could never cut all MY hair off.
**side note: my answer to that question is, of course: "I let my 22 year old heterosexual brother with no prior experience cut my hair."

some people actually grieve the lengths of hair that i cut off.

it went from this:

to this:

in a matter of a few months while i was gone. grieve away people!  i'm happy as a clam. although who thought clams were happy? sometimes when i look at pictures i miss all my hair...but then i think of the painful hours of blowdrying in utah so my hair wouldn't freeze as i walked to class in the early mornings...and i have absolutely no regrets.  less hair, less problem, less annoyance, MORE SLEEP!  (which is huge when it comes to being in utah.)  

its almost like getting a restraining order against an abusive ex...i am FREE. 

i bet you never knew..

that you could take your dog to doggie day camp. and have ME as their camp counselor! yup, its true.  i work at Camp Bow Wow.  where your dog has a Dog Gone Good Time! you can even watch the dogs (and whoever happens to be in the camera's range) here at the Camp Bow Wow website. just to make sure your camper is having the best time possible!  they stay in cozy cabins with comfy cots to sleep on, and can "play all day, then snooze the night away!"

here are some good stories so far.  a bulldog named Drizzy eats your shoes while they're still on your feet as soon as you walk into the yard. no wonder he's in daycare. he is also crazy about the hose. and although it is on full blast (a hard stream of water designed to get all the remnants of poop off of the pooper scooper and actually hurts your hand) he wants you to aim it right into his mouth.  his mouth is huge, so its hilarious to watch.

a bordercollie whose name i can't remember actually made me feel personally violated--just because he was so strangely possessive over me. he would jump up and put his paws on my stomach and lower back, tuck his nose under his paws, and hold on for dear life. then snarled at any other dog who came near me.  i had the hardest time just getting that dog off of me!  he was practically superglued there. i think kneeing him finally worked.

there is a dog named Black Eyed Peas boarding with is. we call him Peas.

i hate chihuahuas. but, there is a cute one. his name is Mac. you'll be in yard one with the little dogs, and you feel just one little paw on the back of your calf, and its him. he just wants to cuddle.

there are a few other cute ones in yard one. little dogs have never been my favorite, but i love Fluffy and Weezy.  they both look like little white scraggly puppies. adorable!

there is the cutest little great dane puppy there in the world!  he's named Spike. and he was the last one there on saturday, so i just got in the cage with him and sat down on the ground and he came right over to sit in my lap. although he was a puppy, he was probably the size of a small border collie. SO CUTE!

so i'm in love with my job. who would have thought? :)

Oxymorons.

i felt like an oxymoron last tuesday. (but then i just felt well-rounded.)

in the morning, i was wielding a hammer and ripping out the drywall in our family room. isn't that attractive? (those are really safety goggles. not just strange glasses.)

and then, jenna and lily came to see us for a day. i turned into miss nanny. the best part was when, on wednesday, miss lily woke up from her nap and had poop all the way up her backside, almost to her armpits. we had an emergency bath then, and she wasn't very happy about it.  it probably didn't help that i accidentally turned the shower on her and the lukewarm water hit first my head then hers. i was laughing so hard i could hardly finish the bath, and she was crying her eyes out as the poop streamed off of her. (she was already crying before i turned the shower on her, so its not really my fault.. hahahahh.) i'm just glad i was a veterinarian's assistant..apparently it was preparing me for motherhood. this picture is right after the bath, so she had forgiven me by then. kids, what troopers!   now for some "awwww!" time: this is my perfect little lily, and her photoshoot.

She's the perfect picture of disdain right here..thats the dogs nose she thinks is gross. i really actually think she's just coughing. 

The Tale of Mr. Mosquito.

a bloodsucking monster was out to get me. 

setting: 1:15 a.m., the upstairs bathroom.

i heard him, buzzing around my head.

and then i saw him.

he landed on my hair, but i shook him off. he landed on my hair again, but i shook him off. 

and then he was on the wall, in perfect squashing position. 

right before his demise, i whispered the last words he ever heard.

" I'm gonna squash you like the bug you are."

and that was the end of mr. mosquito. 

Dream Fulfillment anyone?

 "While you may not become wealthy, you will have experiences that other people can only dream about.  This program helps to fulfill dreams."

Thats from the FAQ's of the website about EATM- Moorpark college.  That's all I want from life. My dreams fulfilled. :D

EATM

I love this place. I officially love this place. So after I get my nursing degree (maybe), I'm going straight into Moorpark College the Exotic Animal Training Program and becoming an Animal trainer. I read a novel about it too, by Amy Sutherland called Bitten, Kicked, and Scratched. I fully understand that the first year of the program I will be the grunt workers and laborers, not permitted to even speak to the animals, going to classes and scooping poop, as my parents love to say. There are no holidays for two years, the mercury breaks 100 regularly, and there is the highest possible chance that a hospital visit or two or three will be necessary.  It is required to break a birds neck with my bare hands, accepting the circle of life.

 But... this is a hyena.


The second years get to do the training. It all pays off in the end. These are the first years getting to train Schmoo, the sea lion. This is worth every drop of sweat.  Just look at them!

For Jeff

disclaimer: i was threatened into blogging this.

background 1: i hate things in costumes. non-human costumes, like say cougars? i hate them. disneyland characters are only minutely better. things like clowns? abso-freakin-lutely not.

background 2: i jump. at everything. surprises? are really surprising. scream worthy surprising.

so the story itself isn't all that surprising. but apparently hilarious.

jeff and i were in the wilk, and we were running down the stairs next to the elevator so i could prove to him that he had louisiana in the wrong place on the map he was drawing and this stupid thing in a cougar outfit (not the Cosmo one, apparently, but some older version of a cougar that looked more like a mouse than anything) JUMPED in front of the door to the stairwell-scaring the bejeezes out of me.

so the obvious response to this was : scream bloody murder and cower in terror.

apparently, something about that is hilarious. as in, jeff dear was bent over double in laughter for about 10 minutes. and then every time he looked at me after that, he laughed. its a good thing i got to prove him wrong that louisiana was not touching florida. :P

Horses to Healing

for the past semester, i have gotten involved with a group called Horses to Healing, and it helps kids with usually mental problems like RAD and autism. mostly we help with the horses, but occasionally we get in to the ring and get to interact with the children by sidewalking (just making sure they don't fall off.) i love it so much!

Horsey Kisses (my favorite horse)

She really likes the camera. And my jacket.

This is Star, with Buddy the mini horse. He's a little terror.

Our fabulous directors. Katie and Kelby. (this is the hard work part)

The result of a wet day, or just cleaning the water barrel.

A pregnant mare we took care of (she'll be foaling this month!!)

Pretty Ponies!

The Viral Saga

a couple of weeks ago, i ran out of my multi vitamin.

then, last tuesday, it happened.

for the first time in what feels like a year:

i got a sore throat.

at first it didn't bother me too much. i told myself it wasn't going to happen. i'd kill it with my other vitamins right away. lots of C. lots of B. lots of Zinc. i can do that. and then i decided to go to the temple on wednesday.

now, several times i've decided to go to the temple on wednesday, then woken up to gray skies and snow, and cancelled my plans. this time, i was done. i sure showed satan what i thought of him. i went to the temple anyway, freezing my patootie off and hardly making it alive. in the temple, however, i can remember no pain, no discomfort, not even the sore throat. love that. soon as i got out, however, was a different story. i thought i was just tired though, so i went to a review for physiology anyway. of course as soon as i sit down, i realize that i feel like crap. i could barely even hold my head up and floated in and out of conscious listening in that seat for the whole hour (and i'm sure my physiology prof thinks i'm crazy, since i sleep through his class every morning then come to his review and "sleep" through that as well). i almost didn't think i'd be able to make it back to my apartment, but i stumbled across the campus, changed, grabbed about three blankets and princess and the frog, and sat on the couch the rest of the night, alternating between freezing and burning and barely being able to move. i watched princess and the frog, twice, plus just like heaven. then things just got worse-i didn't sleep all night, had terrible dreams in the five minute intervals i did sleep, then the next day i'm still achey and feverish PLUS no sleep.

you know what. if you're still reading this, you should probably get a hobby. this is pretty boring. i only wanted to post this because i thought of the name "viral saga" and it made me laugh. what great troopers you are!

Reluctant Blood Typing Pandas

i've been reluctant to post a new post..but only because i love seeing that i have posted 111 posts so far, and i've never liked the number 12.

but my new obsession is blood types. last week we had a hematology lab for physiology and i loved it! i typed myself, i'm A-. which means i'm among 6.3% of people in the US who have A-. (this is going to be a really nerdy post, people, you've been warned.) so, like the nerd that i am, i mapped my family's blood types. my mom has A-, my dad has A+. which sucked for my mom because she had to get the Rh shots when she had us, because my dad was positive. then jenna is A+, eric is O+, and i'm A-. which means i get the shots when i'm pregnant too, if i marry a Rh + boy. (we don't know bryce's blood type, or dan's or lily's, so i didn't get too far.) but the fact that eric is O+ means that both mom and dad have AO+or- blood. because there are two genes. and my parents could have either been AA or AO, but they are AO. the O is recessive so no one really knows they have that recessive gene unless they have a kid that is O, getting both the recessive genes from their parents. its fascinating!!

also, did you know that all pandas in the US are only on loan from china? yeah, thats right. they're almost like a peacekeeping treaty between us. apparently, we really like these pandas. i know i do!

what?

it's not like i have "That Mattson Girl" stamped on my forehead.

but i do have HAPPY! on it.

LAST ESSAY OF THE SEMESTER

DONE!!!

ComedySportz, snow..and a date?

so last night i went on a blind double date with my roommate's current love interest's roommate. the guy (scott) didn't really talk (i tried to cover for both of us, and i don't usually talk that much, but i just made random comments about the decorations in the building, and entertained myself mostly), but the date itself was fabulous :D. i'm not quite sure how i got roped into it, but they bribed me. first with divine comedy, which would have been great. but then, since they couldn't get tickets, we went to COMEDY SPORTZ. its officially my new favorite place. i laugh my head off, and its all clean! it isn't hard to get me to laugh my head off, but this keeps me laughing for the whole show. i tried really hard not to snort though, since i was sure i was going to scare this guy off of dating forever..he's fresh off the mission, quiet, and still slightly scared of the opposite sex. but of course, i did snort, just when things had sort of quieted down and it was pretty loud. pretty embarrassing. especially when everyone turned around to try to see the girl who just snorted in the back. comedy sportz is a lot like "Whose Line Is It Anyway" but fantastically clean. :) and we saw a proposal! they asked a couple from the audience up on stage and they did some skit with the two of them, setting them up on blind dates because they'd been having some "trouble" with their relationship..and they had to choose between their blind date (the comedy performers) or the person they came with, and after she paused then turned to the guy she's been with since september, he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. it was adorable, minus the part when he said "I like you a lot" and "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." its "I love you" and "I want to spend eternity with you" buddy. then she said yes & they went their merry way. well then we went to Rock Canyon and I went sledding for the first time (since i remember, because i think my parents would disagree) then when i decided i wasn't walking up the hill again (since i'd run a 5k that morning as well) i threw a snowball at my date. my plan worked perfectly. for about the next hour, we all threw snowballs and made snow angels and attempted to make snowmen, but apparently the snow wasn't right for snowmen. who knew there were different snowman making snows? but during the course of this fight, my date hit me in the face, ruining my makeup..(good thing it was dark).. then he kept hitting me in the head various times, then in the face once more (which hit me in the eye, making it water like crazy and ruin my makeup even more, then i couldn't open it for a few minutes, etc.) but when i looked up he was facefirst in the snow, banishing himself for hitting me so many times in the head. i made a few jokes so he would feel better about it, but to tell the truth..it still hurt this morning. but it was so much fun! i can't believe i was having fun in the snow, but i totally was. i was wearing my snow jumpsuit too. thats probably why i had fun: i wasn't wet. and my big boots, and gloves and hat kept me warm. so minus the face bombs, i was comfortable.

but yeah. thats basically how it went. i'll probably never talk to this scott character again, unless my services are needed for another double date, but...i dont really think i'll say yes to scott the next time.

To NOT Do list:

run a 5K.

because seriously, it wasn't fun. actually, walking it was nice, but running? nope. i also now realize why i hate running without a purpose, aka during soccer. because i've nothing else to think about but the fact that the reason i can't breath is the fact that i'm running. i can feel my throat closing as i start getting going, and thats it for me. i'm done. i like breathing normally, without wheezing and coughing like mom. it doesn't happen unless i run. my physiology prof says its 'exercise induced asthma'. i guess i'll need an inhaler soon. oh, and, exercising out in the cold made my hands swell up like sausages. it was SO gross. i could barely get my ring off. nastayyy. (ps. does that happen during pregnancy too? i'll have to hide my own hands from my own face. bleh.)

but all in all, once i started breathing semi-normally again, i could enjoy walking around provo. not that there is much to look at, but i do like the feel of being outside and working muscles. and when i wasn't thinking about getting enough oxygen, i could think of Mason and my Aunt Leson, who are fighting/fought cancer in their lives. The 5K money goes directly to cancer research. it was a good reflection period. prayers for Mason, memories of Leson. and there was the cutest puppy there too! :D i'm having non-human mammal withdrawls. from working at a vet and having two dogs to living in a dorm room? annoying.

but would i do it again? probably not.

i'll stick to my tae bo and that jump rope stretchy thingy i have.

The Dream Journal.

i have always had vivid dreams and remembered them when i woke up. most dreams were pleasant, about something that had happened, or about someone i knew. only a few were ever actually bad, but i have definitely had my share of murder dreams. this probably stems from my Bones, Psych, NCIS, and Monk obsessions, but i've definitely been the victim of a few bad dreams-involving serial killers especially. a couple nights ago i had a dream that a serial killer wanted the BYU creamery, but the BYU creamery was my home. he was trying to get to me in my home, in the BYU creamery. there were other details, but that was the gist of it. since when is the creamery home?? or BYU for that matter? its not. just to get that straight. and when BYU features in my nightmares..there has to be something wrong with that.

but then last night. usually i've been having baby dreams, or dreams in which i'm pregnant (don't read too much into that). but last night, i had a dream i've never had before. i was going on a mission. now why would i do that? i was going on a mission to Sweden. now, i love Sweden, and i was excited to go there, but i had this conflicting emotion like i wasn't supposed to go on a mission, like it was wrong of me. especially since i was only 19. and then, as i have often thought as my friends leave on their missions how terrible it would be to try to pack for two years, or in my case one and a half, my packing anxiety featured in my dream. i was on my way to the airport when i realized i'm going to SWEDEN, and that it gets COLD. i didnt have any jackets, gloves, tights, etc. i didnt even have a suitcase with me. nothing. no long missionary skirts, no button up blouses, nada, zip, zilch, zero. while i was freaking out about that, i woke up.

it really threw me off, this dream. i'm not going on a mission..its just not feasible. i might if i could go at 19, but when i'm 21 i'll be one semester and a capstone away from getting my nursing degree, and to leave then would just be stupid. that is, if all works out in that department. but anyway. that's all folks!

Princess and the Frog

i am not kidding you.

its my favorite disney movie.

no, its just my favorite movie. of all freaking time.

tonight i watched it in the varsity theatre. on BYU campus. and it was slightly fantastic. you could definitely tell it was BYU though, seeing as we watched the previews with all the lights turned on their brightest and there were couples everywhere. then a girl gets up & starts talking to us..she was hilarious in and of herself. she started saying something about some campus activity going on on the 20th of march, then stops herself to tell us that that is also the day that her 78 year old grandma is getting married. she called today to say she was engaged. BAHAHA. then she tells us of her most embarrassing date...she had an allergic reaction to chicken nuggets at Wendy's and on the way home her face was swelling up like in Hitch..then she felt like she needed to vomit. she was riding in the front seat of this rich kid's mercedes. no joke. she puked in this guy's car. then tried to gather it all up in her sweater and run home. siiicckk.

so that was preceding the movie. then during the movie, i get so excited. i love it. so much. i'm pretty sure i squealed through the entire thing. and the audience was great..all the girls were making such great noises i wasn't alone. oh, disney. how i love you. this beats all other disney movies though. i mean, they're still classic, and fantastic..but this one is over the top amazing. plus, the prince wears a sweater vest. definite point ringer, that one.

this line got the best reaction from the girls in the crowd (spoiler alert!!):

Naveen: Once you became my wife, you became...

Tiana: A princess. You just kissed yourself a princess.

Naveen: And.. I'm about to do it again.

the general "AWWWWW!!" from the audience said it all. or maybe it was the accent...??

;D

"I'm a big, tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything."

i've been thinking about hercules all weekend. why? no idea.

but when i got off the snowmobile scott was driving, i felt like meg getting off of pegasus.

"I'm Megara. But my friends call me Meg. At least they would if I had any friends."

my hair was everywhere. i had it in a pony, but what could escape from the holder did. and my bangs flew all over my face. the cold made my eyes water, and my freshly applied mascara ran down the sides of my face like tears.

"I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day."

i hadn't quite gotten my voice back, from screaming at scott at the top of my lungs. mostly informing him that a fence was coming up very fast. and my thigh muscles trembled (so I walked like an idiot) from the attempt to stay in my seat instead of flying off of it every time scott went over a little bump way too fast.

"I'll be fine. Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery."

not that i didn't enjoy it. i only thought i was going to die a couple of times. but here i am, in one piece, and i even lived to blog about it.

here are some more Meg quotes. and, they're really fantastic. whoever made this movie had so much fun with her character.

~"Well, you know how men are. They think "no" means "yes" and "get lost" means "take me I'm yours."

~"Hey, I've sworn off manhandling."

~"Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?...Aw, Phil Schmil. Just follow me, out the window, round the dumbbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone."

~"Meg: Do they give you a name to go along with all those rippling pectorals? Herc: uhh, mm, uhh.. Meg: Are you always this articulate? Herc: Hercules! My, my name is Hercules. Meg: Herc, huh? I think I prefer Wonderboy."

~"Aw, how cute. A couple of rodents looking for a theme park."

~"He comes on with this big innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute."

~"I don't think your Pinto here likes me very much."
~"Don't worry, maybe Shorty here can explain it to ya."

Who wants to watch Hercules now?

~"Thanks for everything, Herc. It's been a real slice."

Usually

usually, i don't post about bad weeks. bad things. or actual emotional events in my life.

it hasn't been a usual week.

i can't even begin to explain how bad this week has been. and it's only wednesday. for example: today. its only ten oclock. but last night i forgot to set my alarm. so i woke up 10 minutes before my first class started..and just gave up. there's no point trying to make it then. especially without a shower. and this class takes attendance. then, when i get up to take a shower to make my next class at 9, someone is in it. so i wait. and skip my next class too. when i look at the fridge in the morning, the picture that i had put on it of my niece had been turned around and put back up. why would someone do that? apparently i offended one of my roommates by putting a picture of a baby up on the fridge. heaven forbid. maybe they were worried that we would run out of white space on the fridge surface. its in short supply. at 1045 today, i'm supposed to go to a TA office and review a paper i havent written. due friday at 9am. and at noon i have to decide whether to go to chemistry or skip it and go to the physiology review for the test i haven't studied for-because all the times that the reviews are, i have something else i should be doing right then. i have to take this test by friday. theres a housing fair today, but that runs all through my class schedule as well. i got the bad news about the house i wanted on monday, right after i tripped and biffed it up the steps to my own apartment. the nursing application is available now, which is a nagging stresser outer anyway. i've been ten times as homesick as usual, which can only help.

and all i want to do is go home.

It's a Beautiful Day

Warm (about 40), slight drizzle (not snow!), some sun, mostly cloudy though.

rain boots, sweats, bright green umbrella.

frank sinatra, showers

100% on a test

country songs. cowboy boots. horses. horse manure.

friends, gmail chat.

chatting with my grandpa on the phone.

nicely manicured nails.

just some of the things that have made me happy today.

BABIES EVERYWHERE!!

PICU/CPR/AED for the professional rescuer.

every time i walk out of my nursing class, i want to do nursing even more. i still get sad when i go to the zoo, thinking about how i wont be a zookeeper or an exotic veterinarian, but i've always wanted to make a difference. and i think this way, i can. i have changed my mind about labor and delivery though, when i found out that even with the babies that have something wrong with them, they go straight to pediatric care and i wouldn't be able to see them. so i'm thinking PICU. pediatric intensive care unit. it will be sad. and possibly heartbreaking. but if i can restore a well patient to their mother i think everything would be alright again. i'm ready. now to get into the program. :/

on a lighter note, i just got CPR/AED for the professional rescuer CERTIFIED! i can now save people from choking and perform CPR when they have no pulse. i can also do it on babies now, which is a plus, because i'd be horrified if anything ever happened to my niece while i was there and i couldn't do anything about it. we even had practice babies there, and we could perform CPR on them. the funny part was, after we were done practicing and the instructor was just kind of talking to us about it & showing some videos, i was still holding the baby. like a real baby. and sort of rocking with it. the girl next to me noticed (her name was jayme, also applying for nursing and i really hope we both get in so we can be in the same semester) and she totally made fun of me for it. but i kept doing it anyway. then the other instructor was watching too, and in her southern texas accent she yells "SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET THIS GIRL A BABY!" for the whole class. it was a small class, and i only blushed a little bit, because its true, i love babies.

which brings us full circle to the reason i want to work in PICU.

the end.

Eric.

you know those times you remember something and it makes you laugh awkwardly out loud?

over winter break, i was putting on mascara in the bathroom while eric was brushing his teeth. he looks at me, stops brushing, and through the toothpaste says:

"Is that hard?"

i just stare at him in the mirror for awhile..then say,

"No. Do you want me to teach you?"

he says.

"It would be funny, don't you think? My eyelashes are soooo long."

yes, eric. it would be funny.

"And especially when I grow my mustache and wear my fur coat and headband. That would be soo good."

hilarious.

One Hundred: Happy Christmas

I've been trying to put off this blog post for awhile, thinking nothing i was doing at the moment was number 100 blog worthy. but i found something that is.

Family.

you know, i think i took it for granted, my family. but now its christmas eve, and i couldn't love them more. we just had our swedish Smörgåsbord and it was fantastic. i love the swedish tradition, and my papa (grandpa) told us about our heritage and stuff, and then we had a little christmas program with numbers and chimes and it was rather complicated, but it was great anyway.

amazing. and now christmas, the best day of the year. because really, the feeling of love goes way beyond. its not like it was when i was little, when i was jealous that my brother got a certain toy and i didnt. but now i just love watching my family open all of my presents i gave to them. [is that a sign of maturity? crap. who said i wanted to be mature?] i suppose i have college to blame. i missed them something awful when i was gone. i dont even like college that much. its not so great, no, not at all.

well anyway, i don't have much words for this topic. just that. i love them. thats all. the end.

happy christmas everybody! (ps. only if you're british.)

New Beginnings, Old Endings.

no, this isnt about some cheesy church ritual.

just life.

i love starting new things. its exciting and has so many unexplored possibilities, its endless! whether its starting a new semester, or starting a new major, or a new job, new relationships, new nieces, etc.

but that doesnt mean i love endings. in fact, i hate them. why do things have to end for new things to start? i don't understand. well, okay, theres the time input, and the fact that you have to progress to the next level to get anywhere, but i dont like it. of course, i want this semester to end. it's been the bane of my existence for awhile now. but today was my last set of classes i had with eric. we had three classes together all right in a row. does this mean were basically not going to see each other anymore next semester? because now i've changed my major, we dont have any of the same classes. if i'd stayed with con bio, we would have a lot of the same, but i didnt.

and really, thats another thing. today in bio we were talking about biodiversity and it made me sad. i really, really love that line of discipline. but i know i didn't make the wrong choice in switching, seeing as i hadn't even considered nursing till all of a sudden a random thought pops in my head telling me i should do it. i've been to enough church to know you don't ignore those types of thoughts. i prayed about it too. multiple times. its right for me. (does Heavenly Father start getting annoyed when i repeatedly ask him? i know he didn't like it so much when Jo asked him three times about letting his buddy martin have some proof for his unbelieving wife, but can my situation be the exception, please? so i can ask again tonight?) it means giving up my dream of chasing and conserving new species all over the world-but gained a dream of joining Doctors without Borders and saving peoples lives instead of animals. i guess its a fair trade off. sometimes i think i still like animals more than people. okay, i do like animals more than people. but this is what i'm supposed to be doing. i'm just glad i got the hint early enough, so i didn't have to spend 7 years of my life here. Thanks, HF.

even now, i look back at high school and i am kinda sad it ended..but not really. maybe its a love/hate relationship? i really don't understand my own feelings. but i look back at things and i just miss them. is that normal? i hated it while i was there. even the little things, though, like one simple semester of school, 6 classes that end. i'm sad they have to end. but i'm excited for the new one.

i've got issues with endings.

well, here's an update.

-i love my baby niece. she's the best. i'm not kidding. if you've got a niece, she's nowhere near as good as mine. (unless you're my aunt.) ;D

-i was so happy to see my family at thanksgiving! i was forgetting what it was like to be with them. but i remember now. highly annoyed by bryce ( i thought my leaving would change that?), elbow fights with dad over the baby, and couldnt get enough of my mommy. good talks with the aunt, funny grandparents. yay for bro-in law! stupid thumb of his. oh and sister. don't see her enough. and of course, all of them bothering me about homework.

-it snowed. and i dont hate it as much as i thought. in fact, the snow is beautiful. and with my new boots i can walk in it. and not have my feet be cold. (most important factor on how i feel towards snow: how cold i am.) so if i dress right, i really love the snow that stays on the ground.

-home and christmas is in the near future. :D oh happy days. i'll be home for christmas. :)

Social Butterfly Much?

So this weekend, instead of working (at all) i partied.

No lie.
No really, i'm not kidding.
i actually got out in society. i didnt stay in my dorm room.

Friday: Divine comedy with the hardey's. LOVED it. went to a party with brandon. & his old mission companion he's trying to set me up with. boys. played signs for hours. i SUCK. dont ever pass the stupid sign to me.

Saturday: snow. cried. because of snow. took the car & went to wal-mart. first time i've driven my baby since we got back from malaysia!! <3 you neville. :)

Sunday: made pumpkin bread, drove the car back, gave pumpkin bread to eric & scott, got stuck at scotts going to his ward dessert social, met nate from dance!, got roped into doing a talent show with scott and others at his ward, demanded to be taken home, took more pumpkin bread to FHE brothers (one of whom just broke his ankle.) chatted for awhile, came home, took more pumpkin bread to girls next door (LOVE ANNA) and am finally here.

now thats what i call social.
its a big step people.
now, all of this was rather reluctant. so maybe thats next on the "to do" list.

The Reason Why I Cry At Night.

Need I say more? :(

official.

so many things became official this past week!

first of all, mine and jordan's marriage is official. i mean, its on facebook.

second. my major is official. i changed it to pre-nursing and it says it on my routeY now!

third. i'm officially a hermit. must. get. good. GPA.

fourth. i'm officially not a big fan of parties. especially where i know no one and they are all wayyy older than me.

fifth. i found the third season of veronica mars online. can you say addiction? thats not really official, its just some news. :)

What's This??

Oh look!
What's this?
They're hanging mistletoe; they kiss?
Why that looks so unique, inspired
They gather round to hear a story
Roasting chestnuts on a fire
What's this?


My new favorite movie.

go watch it. i actually just saw it for the first time today, all the way through.

I love Tim Burton!!

vehement.

ve⋅he⋅ment
1.zealous; ardent; impassioned
2.characterized by rancor or anger; violent
3.strongly emotional; intense or passionate
4.marked by great energy or exertion; strenuous


i vehemently hate the weather.

i vehemently hate the fact that i cannot get an A on a test since i got to BYU (minus BOM, but that doesnt count.)

i vehemently hate the fact that i procrastinate and am now trying to make up for it.

i vehemently hate that even though i say now it wont happen again, its pretty much guaranteed.

i vehemently hate the fact that i'm in utah while my baby niece is in cali..and strange people are meeting her before i am.

i vehemently love the fact that thanksgiving is coming up.

i vehemently love the hardey kids.

i vehemently love spending time at the booths and holding baby robert while watching movies.

i vehemently love the fact that my ridiculous brother wears girls fur coats and makes me laugh everyday.

i vehemently love that my mother secretly really does want me to come home over halloween-but wont say it out loud cause she wants me to succeed.

i vehemently love that my wonderful sister is secretly encouraging me to come too.

i vehemently love that my family loves me.

i vehemently love that i can always call them when i need them.

i vehemently love that i'm more connected to the spirit here than ever.

i vehemently love that the good seem to outweigh the bad.

Can I Be Greg Mortenson Please?

i got dreams you know. those ones that can only happen if you're really determined-and sorta rich. i wanna travel around the world and build schools for Pakistani girls too! greg mortenson gave one of the best devotionals-ever. rather personalized for me, i think. he wrote the book called Three Cups of Tea, which i am now determined to finish. i started it, but things kept getting in the way. but he met some children in Pakistan who were tracing things in the dirt, and they asked him to build them a school. why can't i do something epic like that? but..i can. i'm very, very determined. this will be a goal in my life. somewhere, somehow, i'll make a difference. you better watch out. this girl is gonna do something big.

mark my words.

Eureka!

that means i have found it, right?

cuz thats what i meant. i figured out how i can study. i figured it out! and with the help of my old friend Chopin, and my wonderful sisters old and crappy iPod, i can consistently work with minimal interruptions! since i got home from school (10-1) and work (1-3) i've been working. with a break for cookies and a break for FHE. great, right?

the music drowns everything out! and if not, just turn it up louder till it does. including, but not limited to: annoyingly homework-less roommates who want to have fun, the flushing of the toilet, the sound of the kitchen making something delicious, doors opening, neighbors yelling, interesting conversations. etc. basically, it drowns out even the semblence of a social life i have even with my roommates. maybe now i can get that 3.8?

what wonderful inventions earbuds are.

Necessities Aren't Really Necessary.

things like :


1. hygiene
2. eating
3. sleeping
4. socializing
5. exercising
6. going to the bathroom


so i'm going to give up on them all together. capeesh?

Malaysia, the Adventures of

i figured it was about time to post about the rest of the Malaysia Mattson family adventures! and seriously, they are some adventures. we don't go halfway with vacations. even when dad was real sick he was still going..not very well, but still going. we have to get everything in! humanly possible. well not even that, because i'm sure some of it was wayy too much for the average person. i even had to take a break. a beautiful one, in the morning on the sunny island of mabul. :) so i regret a few things about this trip: that i didnt take good pictures, and that we didnt have our good camera so i was using my crappy 7.1 megapixel camera for all these pictures. well some of them are better and from eric's nicer camera. but here's what i got, people!




the very beginning!! the view of singapore from our hotel room. we arrived at the airport and my mom started asking if we wanted gum; until eric reminded her its against the law. then we get to the hotel room and see its MUCH nicer than what we had in mind...rather amazing. (we dont spend money on the unnecessary things like good hotel rooms.)



first day in singapore, getting on the singaporean subway thingy. (MRT)

these next three are the most ridiculous things i've ever seen. in singapore, they have these signs on the MRT that say to let people off first. this lady looks crazy!

and this guy? HAS AN AFRO. and what is play, play? anyone heard of the game? at least i think its a game. our resident expert couldnt even tell us what play, play was.

He has a mole. and is wearing rainboots. and an afro.

This is singapores .. mascot? a merlion. a mermaid and a lion. i read something about why, but honestly can't remember.

This is arab street. in singapore there are different places where you can find different kinds of communities, and here we find most muslims in singapore. amazing, yes?

also a muslim thing. this is a hair salon, for muslim women who need their hair cut. men can't come in because muslim ladies can' t be seen by a man without a headscarf on.




these are a bunch of hawker stalls we ate at in singapore. pretty cool. there was a stall for just about everything. the food was good, except i accidently got liver because it looked like beef or something..and i gagged on it for a good long time. no liver for me. eric made me eat it. he took my drink away until i swallowed too. what a jerk!

we finally made it to malaysia! after going through customs and getting on an off a bunch of buses, we made it through. we were in johor bahru, and met a bunch of people from eric's mission and went to church...but that was covered in the last post about the people. then we rented a car...and daddy drove. however, there are a few things that malaysia has picked up from the UK...namely driving on the wrong side of the road.

needless to say, i was scared for my life.

we went to KL next..kuala lampur, the capital of malaysia. its a lot like a normal city there. there was a mall right across the street from our hotel, and thats where mom and i bought our muslim dresses we have. but then we went to a canopy walk, which is where we found this lovely huge leaf..i love rainforests.

the canopy walk was a bunch of boards held together by rope. i was a little nervous, but i love heights, and there was something to hang onto, so i was good.

view of KL from the canopy walk

sooo sweaty. the rainforest doubles the humidity, and we had just hiked UP to the canopy.









that same day we went to Batu caves. these statues are Hindu gods. there are a lot of them, and they're crazy. i did the batu caves pictures backwards..sorry. this is at the top of the stairs, the stairs are further down.

batu caves is a lot like the Hindu people making a theme park out of their religion..they have lines and everything so you can go see the shrines. and music playing in the background.

this was on the stairs going up to batu caves. those monkeys werent even scared of us! that was eric acting like a monkey.

the steps were numbered. it was great. 272 steps to get to the caves.

i got some daaaang good pictures of those monkeys, and i'm sooo happy with them..if only i had the good camera. hahah.

that night, we also went to see the twin towers of KL. they're pretty cool. dad thought this up the nose shot would be cool...but i think its just an up the nose shot. it looks like were giants too.

they were impressive.

next day we went to a butterfly museum! i took a lot of fantastic pictures here too..and figured out how to use the macro on my camera pretty nicely.

we also went to an orchid place..but there was a lily and i had to take a picture, becuause its going up in my niece's room now :)

we finally made it to Kuching. (Kuching was my favorite place, ever!!) we went to semengoh and we saw the orangutangs feeding there!

this is the best picture i could get of them. this is when i missed my camera the most.

another place in Kuching was the Sarawak cultural village we went to. i played mancala with an old malay woman. i beat two muslim girls in a game of stick dancing, and i shot a balloon in front of an audience with a blowpipe. great experience.

delicious place. we stopped there during our visit to the cultural village. their lemon chicken? to die for. this is also the starting place for many hikers going on a trek into the rainforest.

traditional iban style clothing. i wore one of these that one of eric's friends from the mission made.

next day in Kuching, we went across the water on a boat to Baku National Park. its a jungle! soo cool. there was a sign on the dock where we got on the boat though, that said "Awas: Life Jackets Must be Worn Beyond this Point." there were none to be seen on the boat. the next thing it said on the sign was "Awas: Danger of Crocodiles." While on the dock, i picked up a little kitten and was petting it, and a lady waves at me and says "You come to Kuching, you take kuching home." kuching means cat. that explained the big golden statues of cats everywhere too.

this sign was fun. naughty monkeys! which they were. we were in Baku national park, and they would come right up to you and steal your food. fast as lightning too! the people who worked at the cafe place had slingshots, but could never hit them.






one of the culprits.







this is about the only picture we have of our time on the lovely island of Mabul. this is where our dive resort was, and probably the loveliest week of the trip. everyone carried our gear for us, and we got to see the wonders of the underwater world while doing non of the work! we saw cuttlefish, (AMAZING) and a pygmy seahorse, and a regular seahorse..at which our dive master was screaming underwater about, becuase he hadnt seen one in three years. there were TONS of seaturtles, tons of sharks. wall dives are my favorite ever, too. there is unlimited amount of water below you and its so trippy! i love it so much. we saw a tornado, a HUGE tornado of barracuda too..man that was amazing. this was at sipidan. one of the wonders of the world. or something like that. haha. this picture is the boys going on a night dive..i should have gone, but i was having a mental overload. or family overload. take your pic. mom and i had a nice night though. i also skipped one of the morning dives, to relax by myself..it was a welcome interruption. it was here that i got so tan, too. (here in utah, i've lost all pigment i gained there. why??) but we did three dives a day, for a week. or five days, actually. but it was lovely. pure loveliness.

we dont have any pictures of Tawau, but we werent there very long. We do have pictures of the rest of the time we spent in Singapore, though. This is at the Japanese bonsai gardens. my dad loves bonsai. almost as much as i love this japanese statue man.

i figured i'd get some family shots in here. eric was having ear problems by this time. his ears just hurt him so bad.







these are all in singapore, the gardens. bryce was sick too by the end. not nearly as bad as dad, but he was.

daddy was the worst of us all, but he smiled for the pictue! he really does love bonsai. he had to go to urgent care when we got back. travelers sickness isnt pretty, people. dont get it. i was actually the only one unscathed from the whole trip.

some pretty bonsai.

happy mom :)

in the gardens we saw a gila monster! he was cool.

a japanese something or other.

another something or other. he was my friend.

our layover was in tokyo, so we went and had a peek at the fish market. the people in there try to run you over with their weird cart things, i swear! probably becuase were white. and that fish head is HUGE, right? crazy.

anyway, thats our trip in a nutshell. or at least the sightseeing portions of it. i love malaysia soo much! i'd rather be there than here. so much. i even like the humidity and weather better than provo. its ridiculous here! i have a special place in my heart for malaysia now. <3 sorry for all the pictures! but it took me forever, you ya'll better appreciate it.